THE BLACK HAT

pushin'

2010-07-18T12:38:00.008+08:00

It has been a terribly long time since I blogged. Really long. I have read that I should start a photoblog to practice on my photography and that a whole load of things happened. I am attached. Yes, to a wonderfully sweet girl and I have gained a tremendous amount of weight. Life is sweet and sour at the same time.

I had the opportunity to pick the camera up again when we were sending a classmate off to Australia. I think my gal is sad that her bosom buddy is going to be there for awhile. Personally, I rather have Eunice as your BFF compared to the other one.

Farewell Eunice.

Well, so here goes nothing.

Oh, she's into fashion.

hiatus.

2009-06-12T13:41:00.002+08:00

ok..i know this may sound cliche and so forth but, i really do not have the time to specifically, edit pictures and then, upload them. i am swamped by research over the past 8 weeks and doing up concepts. not to mention school work and my part time work. i now have roughly, 6 or 7 weeks left for my FYP and then, i will update this photoblog again.

another reason is that I am sending my dearest camera for servicing today. till then, i am on hiatus yo!

soos-sadai

2009-04-16T00:42:00.008+08:00

dats 'hello' in khmer, the language of Cambodia.
i know. i know. i have not updated for awhile. a lot of things going on.
to those whom i've talked to, a lot of flashbacks too.
but hey, gotta get up n go.

anyway, Cambodia was an eye opener. kids in Singapore, are bloody FORTUNATE.
you, bloody rich arses. all the money to send you buggers to school and just to become liabilities to the assets. bleargh.

a big shout out to my Cambodian friends, Bota, Sambath and Pok. the kids whom made me realized that I was a big brother to them, no matter what race or religion I maybe. Kud, Chu and Koi. the many others whom I cannot recall for now. i miss you all.

just a few pics from the trip. will update more soon. i know u guys are getting temperamental about it.

my problems are nothing compared to the ones faced by others in this world.

walked under a bus and got hit by a train

2009-02-13T18:08:00.003+08:00

leaving for Cambodia in 4 days time. kinda looking forward to it because i need to get my mind away from everything that has happened. i know, its been almost 4 months now but the scars are still fresh. i need to do a lot of reflection in Cambodia.

anyway for you hopeless romantic out there, do listen to 'buses and trains' by bachelor girl.
for those who need a jolt in their lives, listen to 'you gotta be' by de'sree.

went out to bugis with phoebe and cassandra yesterday. my old mates from ite macpherson. its been years since we really spent time together and i miss you both. from green and grey uniforms back in 2001 to working adults today. congrats to phoebe on becoming a married lady. a french one somemore! haha! i wish i could join u people for the ite macpherson gathering next friday but i am flying off to contribute to world peace. haha!

line dancing

silent night

blue jazz deco

the deciding flip

dessert: brownies

brownies. again

cassandra hale

phoebe cheng

the I.T crowd

my joy luck club

my unwavering faith, that keeps me alive

honestly, its not easy forgetting things. but i guess, as u grow old, you tend to know how to deal with things. you do not have to shut up and be alone, because there are always people around you whom you can open up and speak ur mind to. we live, we die and the wheels on the bus goes round and round. but like all good things, the bestest friends are the ones whom will be there for you despite the ups and downs.

because that is life.

u got paint!

2009-02-05T01:06:00.005+08:00

its been hell of a week. school's close for like a week now and i've been very busy.

Cambodia meetings and work. even had a great day, taking pics on paintball.

thank you to julya, my bestest gf from sec school, for asking me along to shoot some pics.

anyway, the team featured here is Contract Killers and they came in 2nd. i took their pics cos Julya was playing for them that day. doritos, tomes and temples. haha! like cool arr!

bang. bang. shoot. shoot.

masked killers

the calm before the storm

gearing up

know thy enemy

the storm

amidst glory

rocker-fella

gangsta in the pink

senang diri

peace: 1 (feat. mayor)

peace: 2 (feat. shark)

peace: 3 (feat. julya)

my partner for the day

a big thanks to Contract Killers and my dearest buddy, Julya. n Nuradimah for spending the day with me.

world in awe

2009-01-25T12:35:00.010+08:00

have you ever put in tons of effort in a particular thing and then it suddenly falls apart?
feels terrible right?

but what if it comes together and everything things out fine?
satisfaction. joy. pride. honor. glee.
i bet that is what toysoldiers production felt on the last day of school.
hell of a good job people, appreciate the efforts and looking forward to working with you guys again. credits should be given and you people deserve it.

P.S: Images are dark due to lighting conditions and I am experimenting a new photoshop technique. Bear with it guys.

check us out below.

SIX

SIX from webleedwood on Vimeo.

Toysoldiers Productions are:

Zulkifli.Juffrie.Nicola.Zaimah.Qane.Alvin

Working should be fun.

p.ubin

2009-01-18T22:46:00.009+08:00

it has been a hell of a week and it is taking a toll on most of my DNM friends. we are all burning the midnight oil and pushing ourselves to make things happen, especially to strengthen our portfolios.

i haven't do anything yet for EoF because we are having difficulties in getting materials.

my Production Practicum is 50% done because we shot most of the scenes needed and we are left with ALOT of post production.

my AoS, I will be doing in awhile.

spent 2 days down at Pulau Ubin with the Cambodia gang. there were loads of things to experienced and not to mention, that I, as an individual, have learnt. being 25 this year, I have begun that most of the things we experience are inter-related and if we reflect on them, we would have realized alot of things. hence, we could avoid mistakes. a tribute to the people I spent time with, on the darn island:

piercing

ponder

iAbang

mine : team

@ peace

chilling lines

p.a.l.s

products of production

sway with me

C for Colin and Coil

two of a kind

framing memories in frames

@fiq

the jewel

ever thinking

frozen

learning

doggie dogg

ripplin'

the light through

breathing

boy

over the waters

burning desires

ubin:1

ubin: 2

ubin: 3

mentor: 1

mentor: 2

a month to go before i leave for Cambodia. lets hope it turns my life around to be a better person. and yes, i am trying hard not to scold vulgarities. really hard. yes..

credits to Hung Ju, Nicola, Raii and Jessica for some of the pictures taken. love ya mates'!

its a wrap yo'!

the 2nd best darn thing

2009-01-13T00:07:00.004+08:00

haven't been updating this photoblog for awhile because i am darn busy. i am busy wif:

Expression of Form project
Art of Story project
Production Practicum project
Cambodia trip planning

so i gotta complete the first 3 tasks within 3 weeks. kinda hard to settle three modules in a week. stressful but its a challenge. never mind, endure and excel.

first's thing first, i must stop cursing and swearing. it will do me good. haha!

right. the series goes out to the ruggers in RP. the real ones. not those pretty boys. look guys, i have been playing rugby since i am 13, played for dunno how many tourneys, entered gazillion scrums, went against people of different levels, broke my arm but still continue the game, sprained my ankle for the millionth time, was a captain for a total of 4 years and in total, i have played for 12 years. yes, the game has evolved over time. mobile forwards and the kicking game are the in thing. but i believe that no matter how new or old u are to the game, its all about the damn spirit of winning. in the words of my many coaches, in which everyone told me the same thing:

"its just how much you want to win. sprain an ankle? tape it up. sore muscle? tmrw its gonna be ok. u might not win the match but at least, show those bastards that you have just have many chances as them to win the match."

the three gringos i was with

sizing up

clash of the titans

new blood

i miss being part of them: the forward pack

intense yo!

an ordered disorder

safe hands

breather

on the run

higher

my side. ur side.

flick

crouch command

troubleshooting

reaching out

decoders

and i will repeat what i have said when i left the team. you guy cannot progress with Harry Mason as the coach. if u are a reader of my photoblog and belong to OSG, do something about this please. its been four years, these guys can shine under the right beacon.

new year's eve yo!

2009-01-01T02:56:00.004+08:00

happy new year. bleargh.

same old, same old. resolutions made, resolution unfulfilled. wats worth celebrating?

anyway, spent half the day with my cousins, wati and shidee.
first to expo, headed to parkway for makan session.
after which, the exploration of siglap to find out the whereabouts of Starbucks Jalan Jamal!
and a treat from abg zul awak k? haha!

abit of discussions. a lot of heart to heart talk. fashion tips. family n friends.

i'm happy. bahagia.

introducing the cousins for the day:

wati

shidee

makan for the night:

kway teow keeeeeeerang

bee hooooon regorengorengorengo

mee bandung (have no idea why the gravy is brown)

ok, no joke. imabaybeh, ur workplace is ulu. coming from someone who has no idea where the hell is siglap or upper east coast road, i am bound to get lost. plus the place is damn ulu. i repeat ulu. but thanks to my mata ah pek taxi cousins who spotted the darn place, we found it. ladies and gentlemen, i present to u:

STARBUCKS JALAN JAMAL

so we reached the place and i gave a treat to my dearest cousins. sorry fiza, if u were there then i would have treated you to a taufik bin latip too.

taufik bin latip (toffee nut latte)
mocha frappe
white choco

wati sent us back and we got a ride in her Suzuki Swift. sedara aku racer dok! haha! so, i decide to post her pics here. i know i edited the pics abit but pls understand that it was nite and shooting at F4.5 and ISO 1600 without a tripod is really a nightmare. thank you ya!

wati and her kereta merah

pick-nick

2008-12-31T02:03:00.007+08:00

the day was hot,
with what the sun has brought,
a gal was still late,
even though everything was,
settled and said.

the trip was vibrant,
colours as bright as Orion,
the sweetest smiles,
the strangest jokes,
the funkiest styles.

a single smile that shone,
so distinctive was its tone,
hey simple jane,
it was nice to see u again.

yet words are never enough,
hence,
let the pictures tell the story,
in full,and never in half.

the sweetest things

mast-ur-ah

revelations

glee

mr squirt-o

fashion for thought

jawssivorous

the sweetest things (postmodernist baby!)

the wedding

2008-12-30T01:01:00.008+08:00

was busy over the weekend with my cousin's wedding!

congratulations to Islina and her partner, Rizal! wishing them a blissful marriage! as per requested by Zills and the many COUSINS out there, i am now flooding facebook with photos and below are the ones i deemed as important!

bride and groom

the bears and the pair

the men

the ladies

the family

thanks to abg yunos and abg asharuddin, who are the camera man and videographer respectively, for pointing out tips and tricks of the trade. rest assured, i'll be a better photographer in the future. and yes, usually wedding photos are either coloured or BW but i decided to play around with Sephia effect because its different. Experimenting with postmodernism!

haven't had a ceremony like this for ages. many more to come in a few years. again, i may a quiet guy but hey, i do love my family a lot. memories captured, immortalized.

woohoo!!

2008-12-27T01:37:00.003+08:00

been awhile cos i'm busy with work and production. here the break down of what went on.

MONDAY

production day! was supposed to loan out items and do our own production. UNFORTUNATELY, someone by the name of JUFFRIE, could not confirm whether he is available or not. too bad then. me and Elliot Mason, aka Mr Shush-Your-Mouth, ended up doing a production for Elliot's church thingy. Ju tagged along and we met up with a couple of Elliot's buddies. Funny bunch! We filmed down at Cluny Park and headed home around 3pm. After that, I met up with Nur Farah Atiqah to pass her the few sets of Cambodia forms. tiring, yes. i was totally flat out.

TUESDAY

post production day. Elliot and I, both woke up late. we met at 11am, down at school. macbook pro, TASCAM, SM-57 and a few hours later, the whole thing was done. Ju came down around 3pm and helped us with the whole post production thingy. I swear, a VISTA room would do a lot load of wonders. Given proper timing and a damn VISTA room, the whole production would just be mind blasting. I really need to settle the whole issue regarding rolling credits and freaking hell, I HAVE TO LEARN AFTER EFFECTS!

WEDNESDAY

work. work. and more work. from 12 noon till 10 pm. draggy day. christmas eve. i miss someone and no, not my ex gf. i sooo miss chatting with you. thank you. i'm a better person now.

THURSDAY

again, work. work. and work. 12 noon til 10pm. this time round, i fell sick. not enough sleep lor. smart right? but then again, I realized that being sick 'opens' your eyes to different perspectives. just like how getting high on drugs allows you to be in a whole different level and plane of the world. ah well..ah huh.

FRIDAY

work again. but start at 5pm. was supposed to meet up with a person from Clubsnap because I wanna get a spare battery for my 450D. need it for the Cambodia trip. i swear that the trip is gonna be a life changing experience for me. i will be a better person after it. but the guy didn't turn up. bubble seh! basket bola! but nvm, i went to work happily still. my cousin's wedding is coming up in a few hours!!

i miss hanging out with my old friends. i met up with Cassandra and Phoebe last Saturday. it was soo good to meet them once again. for goodness sake, i haven't seen Phoebs for almost 4 years?? and she couldn't recognize me cos i lost so much weight. Cassie, as per normal, was bubbly as ever. ah..i miss u people.

words of wisdom:

the people in your life, come and go. the same goes for your friends. go forth and think, where are the many 'friends' who were with you now? how many are still sticking by your side and how many are on hiatus? i realized that when i was in the army. hello alone? haha!

higher

2008-12-13T12:50:00.005+08:00

hello.

welcome to my new blog. revamped. simple. looks like juff's but nothing like his.

anyway, i am beginning my transition.

i just got back from the Academic Awards Ceremony. yes, yours truthfully won an award. a scholarship, in fact. i received a scholarship from Broadcast Engineering Services due to my grades, community involvement and partly, maturity. i thank Allah for this gift and a lot of other people for their help. my parents, though have showed the lovey dovey side they have, i know the tough love helped me to progress as a better individuals. my friends both in RP and outside, there are happy times and there are sad times but dun stay down forever but get up and fly. i love u people loads. thanks to Ju for reminding me that I am the pinnacle of my own hard work and perfection. to the gal who went away before my ceremony but said:

"i want them to know and that i am proud of you"

i appreciate you and i miss u can?

and so said the emcees:

"congratulations scholars and we hope to see you again!"

i am a scholar. just like the song performed by the Rhapsody girls at the end of the ceremony:

"you will never see me fall apart,

in the words of a broken hearted,
its just emotions taking me over"

so lets move on.

lessons

2008-12-08T08:43:00.002+08:00

Guess what? Its Hari Raya Haji, Eidul Adha today.

As per normal on such an auspicious day, it is a a common practice to pray at the mosque. Apparently my dad was abit kiasu and he woke us up at 5am when the congregation begins at 7.30am. Ah well, I was pissed but hey, its not every day that I have to wake up at 5am right?

Note to myself:

For the Eidul Adha Khutbah today, the imam recited these very important words which he repeated THRICE. It goes like this:

"Ingatlah wahai saudara2 Islamku, sebalik kesusahan sudah tentu ada kesenangan! Setiap kali akhirnya satu kesusahan, datang lah kesenangan nya! Malah, ia juga telah di lafaz kan dalam sunnah berikut..."

Well, I believe him. I agree. I know I am at the one of the lowest points in my life so far but hey, the sky will clear and sunshine will come through my window. It takes time but I am on the right track. Get up and fly.

get up

2008-12-07T23:39:00.002+08:00

i met a fren lately, she said this:

"Relationships are strange. Sometimes they work out but at times, they don't. Allah is fair so it is just dependent on you to handle things like this. There are only two options to take now; either you fall down and stay there or you get up and fly higher."

Inspiring huh? After more than a month of my break up, I must say that I am feeling better. It is extremely unfair but hey, just shut up and move on. I do have friends and they have helped me alot.

Note to myself:

Dear Zulkifli,
A few years from now on, you are going to read this again. If you are in a relationship again, then please learn to love the lady properly again. Though you are broken hearted now, never ever let what Hidayah did to you affect your future partner. Love, with every single bit that you have. Hold back if you need to but always take your time. Protect her always and care for her, like how you did for Hidayah. Remember that patience is the key in everything. If the lady is ignorant, then get away from her. Please do. I beg you. Do realize that you just went through a terrible time with someone like that. Do not break hearts. Never.

If you are still single, I bet you are, then chill. People change but only for the better. Remember that please. I know it is hard to get over her but do not forget, she found a replacement within a month. I know you will not harbour any ill feelings but do not be scared of going into a relationship. Yes, 17 months is a very long time. It is hard to get over someone you truly love, but I am confident that you are trying. Every single day. If you ever meet Hidayah again, ignore her but say a prayer for her well being. What goes around, come around. One day, she will understand the very same feeling.

Never forget that life can be a cycle but never let that happen because once it starts to repeat, then you are not learning anything. You are going to Cambodia in a few months time to volunteer. Remember that you should channel what you have gained to help others. Allah is great. He gave you brains and brawns but all these are nothing if you cannot help others. The scholarship you received is a stepping stone to alot of things. Syukur Alhamdulilah. So for Allah's sake, get up and fly because you are meant for greater things.

Regards and salam from your old self,
Zulkifli

revamp.

2008-11-16T00:04:00.004+08:00

its been awhile. yes, i know. thanks ima for offering a feather duster to help me clean up.

no. it hasn't been easy.

yes, i am a mess. as per normal.

i do not really have a lot of time to revamp my blog again. but i will definitely try.

i am missing my ex-gf. i do not hate you, really. i understand everything. one day, you will know how i feel. and when you are in that situation, you know i am still here for you. that's the difference between true love and those darn puppy loves.

i am sorry that you are resigning from work. it has been a blast having you by my side. i am making something for you. hope it will be in time for your last day.

"we live, we die and the wheels on the bus goes round and round" - something that Charlene made me realize.

ain't that true?

fly, flew, flown.

2007-08-25T14:10:00.000+08:00

things have been quite messy lately but i think both of us are being very patient with everything. its amazing how she handles stuff, including me.

i am off to bangkok for a short holiday. 4 days to be exact and i will leaving in a short while. i know that i won't be in singapore tonite to talk to u dear. I know that i'll miss u loads the moment the plane lifts off. i reali can't bear to leave u but i think u would definitely want me to go on the holiday.

yesterday was terrible. i exploded n all. we both had a huge argument. i'm so sorry abt it. i reali am. i feel bad, guilty and even stressed out! i'm glad dat u eventually picked up the phone. i was chatting wif her sis in msn last nite. we talked abt us, dear. how faithful we can be and as long as both of us are into each other, the question of who deserves who, shouldn't exist. i agree wholeheartedly!

dear, i may seem unreasonable to u at times. i can show the stupidest atittude and i may even upset u a lot of times. n u have been greatly patient with all of my antics. i am amazed by u. and i'm falling deeper n deeper in love wif u. and yes, i love u for Allah's sake. sincerely and honestly. i cannot imagine myself without u now. n i pray ever so hard that we'll be together forever. i appreciate ur presence in my life and tears are indeed rolling down my cheeks as i type this. guys should cry. we are mere humans and do cry at the right moments. yes, we are strong too. so darling, i'm strong n yet soft hearted at the right moments. i love u nur hidayah and i sure hope u'll be my partner for life. love u sayang n i look forward to meeting u next week. sayaaaaaang u!

lips of an angel

2007-08-08T23:26:00.000+08:00

life has been kinda hectic these few days. den again, if its not, it will get mundane. there's no replacement for Cik Minah yet, so i'm the one who's covering her place for the time being. so i'm working on mondays, wednesday, fridays, saturdays and sundays. yes, that's like 5 days a week. and i am definitely hope for someone to come along and fill the sunday slot. so i reaaaaali wanna take off on sundays to be with Hidayah.

we went out to Escape last sunday, but this time round, with a special guest. we went out with younger sister, ijati! she's the most adorable lil thing! not to mention hyperactive! she was so quiet initially! when she was comfy wif me, she was talkative. haha! she's a smart lil gal and i love to talk to her. but i love talking to my gf more! haha! we had fun down at Escape. took the inverter twice wif ijati. dear, u should have went wif us for the 2nd ride!

we left ard 7pm and i accompanied her to paya lebar cos she was meeting her mom. when we were in the train, her mom called me n asked if i was gonna tag along for dinner wif them. next thing i knew, i was suppose to meet both of her parents for dinner! Ya Allah! I was so freaked out. i had butterflies, moths n wateva insects in my stomach. i was a nervous wreck! but she calmed me down n i will never forget that nite. she juz looked at me n said 'sayang, dun worry! look at me. i love you and ur gonna be fine.' alhamdulilah, things turned out well and i had the most interesting time wif her family.

n i'm meeting her tmrw for a date. sayang, at times, i let my feelings get the better of me but i promise u that i'll treat u good, if not, best, from now on. i love u Nur Hidayah and i pray that Allah will strengthen our relationship, bless us with the utmost understanding towards each other and ease the road that we are travelling together. cos frankly, i think ur the one.

lovin' her

2007-08-07T11:33:00.000+08:00

she's got a smile that would make the most senile
annoying old man bite his tongue
i'm not done
she's got eyes comparable to sunrise
and it doesn't stop there
man i swear
she's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten
and now she's even got her own song
but movin' on
she's got the cutest laugh i ever heard
and we can be on the phone for three hours
not sayin' one word
and i would still cherish every moment
and when i start to build my future she's the main component
call it dumb call it luck call it love or whatever you call it but
everywhere i go i keep her picture in my wallet like you

take a look at my girlfriend
she's the only one i got [ba ba da da]
not much of a girlfriend
i never seem to get a lot [ba ba da da, ba ba da da]

take a look at my girlfriend
she's the only one i got [ba ba da da]
not much of a girlfriend
i never seem to get a lot [ba ba da da, ba ba da da]

that's part of a song called Cupid's Chokehold..and seriously, take a look at
my gf cos i'm freaking proud of her and she's only one i got..

challenged

2007-07-28T08:17:00.000+08:00

chal·lenge:
A test of one's abilities or resources in a demanding but stimulating undertaking.

life is full of challenges. definitely. each and every one of our lives consists of many different challenges that sometimes forces us to exert to the very best of our abilities. the trials and tribulations that God throws at us, demands mostly patience and understanding to overcome. yet, challenges are not bad. challenges make us realize a lot of things. our limits, patience, level of tolerance, understanding and acceptance.

had a terrible day in sch yesterday. it was my science module and bloody frustrating. throughout 3 or 4 weeks, i have been doing all the work with Fai. Fai has been a great help, especially when she has never touched on chemistry before. but i can that she is trying her best to help out. both of us are simply tired of our members' attitude. they are too dependent on us. can u imagine, that while Fai n me are doing our work, they would be playing games? and when our lecturer approaches our group to see our progress, they will simply say that Fai n me have completed the worksheet and that the lecturer should check on us instead! pathetic! disgusted! useless! yes, i know i give my best in my presentations and work. but that does not mean i can do everything myself. yes, i am the oldest in class but i am not a superhuman. i will try my best to help you people to get good grades but u people need to help me!

there will obviously be challenges in love too. dear, if i need to run a thousand miles just to see you, i would. i need to carry a thousand boulders just to see you, i would. if i need to give up every dollar i have, just to see you, i would. all i need is time and attention from you. i do not need treats, fame or money but just your attention and time. i seriously miss u sayang. i know that ur busy with attachment n all but do try to find time for us to spend together k? i love u dear!! i was not angry at u yesterday. in fact, i'm beginning to understand ur work commitment. whenever u are working, u tend to lose urself in it and forget other factors. think of me k?

i wish i could meet u soon. cos i miss u so. love u dear.

^BUMP^

2007-07-21T23:37:00.000+08:00

It has been a tough week. I had my understanding tests, rugby trainings and so much more. Work has been all right so far. Ok, maybe I should be working only on Saturdays instead of taking on the whole weekends. Then again, I won’t be earning much if I decide to work on Saturdays.

I’ve been skipping rugby trainings lately. I feel that I cannot commit to so many things at one time. I am 23 years old and at this point of my life, I should be deciding which path I should be heading on. I have spent 10 years of my life dedicated to rugby. It is definitely my passion. Why? Passion is when you sprained your ankles a gazillion times and you strap them up, get back on your feet and start playing again. It is when you get cuts and bruises on every part of your body, yet you laugh and keep on playing. It is when the skin on your shoulders got torn off and yet you ask for more. It is when you had your finger dislocated and had it popped back in, just keep on playing. It is when you break your left wrist, had metal supports implanted and removed, and yet you continue want to play. After 10 years, I feel that I have had my fun. Besides, I should concentrate on my running nowadays. I miss running at night.

Understanding tests are getting tougher as we progressed. I am now left with 3 weeks before I ‘unofficially’ end my semester. I realized that National Service has helped me quite a lot. I am now more patient and dedicated towards my studies. Syukur Alhamdulilah, I feel that I’m able to get better at adapting to new problems that may arise.

She has started her attachment on Monday and officially completed her first week yesterday! It was definitely tough to talk to her through out the week. She gets very moody after work and I tend to back off whenever she’s like that. I do hope God will give me the strength to face up these challenges. I know I can do it! Haha! Very gung ho! Anyway dear, you still have around 6 more weeks to go. I wish you all the best and Insya’Allah, everything will be smooth sailing.

We went out yesterday but everything started to fall apart. She was very late due to family problems and I got very pissed off. Emotions flew and I guess, everything isn’t what they are supposed to be. We had dinner, yes, was a nice moment. Then she said something of the blue which sparked off a certain sensitive side of me. I got irritated and we both were very much silent after that.

To my dearest love, I may not be the perfect person for you but I am always trying to be the best one for you. I do hope you can see how sincere I am towards our relationship. At times, I fail to immediately see how much you care and how understanding you are towards me. But I will definitely realize it, after a few moments. My love towards you will never change, despite any problems that will arise. Never, dear. I just hope you are there, with me, trying to overcome those obstacles. And dear, we shouldn’t let our feelings get the better of us. I am sorry for getting upset. I am sorry for not talking much yesterday, I was just simply angry. The remedy is really simple. It is just your smile. Or maybe, a treat from you. Haha!

I cherish the time we spent all these while. Work has been all right and it is all because of you. I have plans in the future, and I hope God has set my path in conjunction with my plans. That which does not kill you, only serves to make you stronger. Insya'Allah. I do hope whatever happens, only serves to strengthen our ties. I love u.

something to ponder

2007-07-19T09:56:00.000+08:00

lets take a look on a few things regarding relationships:

We all deserve to be happy. Most of us want to be happy in healthy and loving relationships. What makes relationships healthy? They have six basic qualities —

respect
trust
honesty
fairness
equality
good communication

Healthy relationships help us feel better about ourselves and about our place in the world. They make us feel safe. Unhealthy relationships make us feel unsafe.

Respect

Without respect, relationships can be hurtful. Many of us think it takes a slap or a punch to hurt someone. But insults and unkind words hurt just as much. They can destroy our self-esteem — how we feel about ourselves.

Trust

Without trust, relationships can cause jealousy and unhappiness. Jealous partners doubt the other's love or commitment. Building trust — by talking, listening, being honest, respecting each other's feelings, and having fun together — is the best cure for jealousy.

Honesty and Fairness

Without honesty and fairness, relationships can be hurt by lies and anger. No one is always right — or wrong. In healthy relationships, partners admit their mistakes and can expect forgiveness.

Equality

Without equality, unhappiness is likely as one partner takes control. In healthy relationships, neither partner is "in charge."

Good Communication

Without good communication, there are a lot of misunderstandings. In healthy relationships, partners are open and listen to each other.

Love and Anger

Love shouldn't hurt. In happy and healthy relationships, partners try not to hurt each other. It's true that we all get angry sometimes. But when we do get angry, we have a choice — we can express ourselves in a healthy way, or we can do it in an unhealthy way and hurt someone else.

Remember: You and your partner always have choices — even when angry.

With reference to: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/sexual-health/sexual-health-relationship/is-this-love.htm

for her...

2007-07-16T22:45:00.000+08:00

alot of things happened since friday! everything was like a rush and i feel good that most of it happened.

on fri, we went out on a date to watch the latest of the Harry Potter movie. the show was abit draggy but was still ok. love the effects though. we walked around vivo city and had dinner before i sent her off. dear, i love that look u have when ur concentrating on sumting. i just wanna lay back n feel the warmth of ur touch.

she came down to bugis on saturday nite. surprised me. yeah, she often does that. wouldn't tell me beforehand and she would just suddenly appear. she was from home, after spending the whole noon at work. she look so pretty in that outfit of hers. she told me she was there to look for a nurse watch but in the end, she didn't even look for it. instead, she asked me whether i would like to meet her mom that very nite. i was bloody nervous of cos but i guess that its either now or never. so i met them after work. we walked ard orchard for awhile before settling down at starbucks. we bought a few drinks and talked about hidayah. it seems as if i've gotten to know her a whole lot more. her past, present and probably her future. her mom was cool, funky and definitely modern. someone who's friendly and open. she made me feel comfortable. she's someone i would definitely wanna talk to.

i bought her a nurse watch yesterday. for the first time, i saw her did the closing in bedok. it was absolutely tedious and now i know y she's tired most of the time. i wished i could help but i dun think they would allow a stranger to lend a helping hand. i knew that she would be hungry so i brought her a packet of her fav chicken rice. see, i'm a very thoughtful guy. romantic somemore. haha! so i send her home after that.

today, i had her watch replaced. the chain broke off and it couldn't be hung onto her uniform. we had dinner together and it was fun talking to her.

sayang, i've gotten to know u sooo much more through out these 4 days. from ur mom, ur sister and myself. ur the most wonderful gal i've ever met. u made me realized that forgiving others is easier than hating them. that no matter what, God is still there for me. that i should b confident of myself. that trust comes along wif understanding in a relationship. that u brighten up my life. yes dear, u have ur bad points. those are just reminders for me to realized that ur not perfect and i should NEVER, EVER expect you to be perfect. cos i do have my bad points too. n i do hope u can accept me for who i am. there are so many times, i just wanna turn n look at u, shed a few tears and tell u how much i appreciate someone like u in my life. one day sayang, i'll do just that. i pray that God will strengthen our relationship and i love u nur hidayah. ur my heartbeat. my sunshine. my love.

my wonderwall

2007-07-13T10:40:00.000+08:00

life is but a strange concept. u never seem to ponder about certain things until it happened and affects u, either directly or indirectly. yet, we tend to take things for granted. we should refuse to accept certain things or fear certain knowledge structures because we simply cannot understand them. we fear what we do not understand.

we should, in fact, learn to meekly approach the unknown and slowly understand it. thus, turning it into an advantage of ours. learning is indeed never ending, whether its physically or academically. my lovely gf told me that knowledge is of abundance and everywhere. its really up to us whether we want to see it and learn from it. sumtimes, the saddest stories hold the greatest knowledge.

yet, love is something that one can never really understand. we were told different stories and concepts regarding. similarly, the concepts are different because they come from different perspectives from different people. in some cases, it may seem familiar but no two love stories are the same. why? because of the different people involved. each story has new characters, venues and plots. however, the love theme still stays.

yes, care and concern comes with love. so does the act of selflessness and responsibility. in fact, love teaches you to be patient and to be a better person. it is just how we perceive and view it as constructive or destructive. learn to trust God. it helps. He will decide ur path. embrace it. face the challenges along the way because it will only make u stronger. believe that He loves u. because that is why you are, where and what you are, now. learn to love Him. because there is nothing more pure between your love towards God and His love towards you. from there, learn to trust your partner because it helps in understanding each other.

love came into my life. a knocking on my door. i refuse to open the door initially but eventually, slowly opening the door bit by bit. the person at the other side was wonderful. she smiles and has a haughty personality. she maybe fierce but i guess there reasons for that. she makes me think about my life and where i want to be. a slap of realization i should say. and i eventually, opened the door to her. it took her awhile to take a step into my life. but i told her to take her time. and when she finally did, we were both smiling.

so take a look us now dear. i'm no longer an empty space. ur filling up my life and i'm thankful to Allah for letting me meet you. u brighten up my life by calling me up in the morning and accompanying me to sch. i love ur sister's adorable voice. i miss looking into your eyes each time we are apart and thank you for coming into my life.

uplift

2007-07-09T22:04:00.000+08:00

pretty cool time i had so far. Alhamdulilah. so many things happened and i'm reali smiling wide nowadays.

i took her out to celebrate her belated birthday on 1st july. we went out to vivo city n spend the day together. to tell the truth, i was tired but really enjoyed her accompany. i dunno but i'm at peace whenever i look at her calm face. she makes me smile n the touch of her hands, simply provides the warmth i need. for once in my life, i feel wanted.

she cares for me, she worries about me, grabs my hands whenever i'm mad, looks into my eyes and we both smile automatically, notices how i always stare at her, holds my hand whenever she goes down the stairs in a pair of high heels and visits me whenever i work down at raffles.

we go out often. i wake up early just to have breakfast with her. i've met her mom a couple of times and just today, went out with her and her sister. and they are the friendliest of people. always smiling and seriously, i'm very comfortable with her. yes, i'm a terribly shy person but over time, i could deal with the nervous feeling and get used to the whole thing.

to nur hidayah, i am seriously into you. i am helplessly falling for you each day and i appreciate your efforts and the little things u do. even though i dun say, but i prefer meeting your mom and sister because the relationship wouldn't be THAT awkward. ur my heart beat and i pray that we'll stay together forever. I thank God for giving me the chance to meet you. for it is Him who decides everything. you strengthen my beliefs and darling, i owe u alot of things.

i love you dear. and ur engraved in my heart. thank you sayang.

TGIF

2007-06-29T00:00:00.000+08:00

its friday morning! and i'm not yet asleep. can't seem to sleep. yes, i am tired but just can't sleep.

went out today. i skipped rugby. went to make a new pair of specs today. there goes my money. haha! but then again, i really need a change of specs. my current one has a deep scratch on it due to the army. i still remembered how it happened. it was during a route march and we had to get our bags and webbings off within 5 secs. in the rush, the muzzle of my rifle hit my face and slashed across my specs. Thank God i was wearing specs, otherwise i would be having scars on my eye!

bought 2 new polo tees. yeah, i love polo tees. haha! they are the most comfy thing n a cross of casual and formal too! plus i look good in them! just got off the phone with Dayah. and its soo stressful. i dunno if you really wanna go out with me on Sunday. u should have told zoe early. she probably can settle the whole thing. have some faith. and seriously, though i wouldn't say it, i would be heartbroken and disappointed if you can't make it on Sunday. i'll spend my day alone and reject every single call from everyone who's gonna call me on that day. really. i'll be very moody.

i really dunno. God, please show me the right path. we are drifting apart. i feel so too. i think i have no place in her heart n that i should just go away quietly. tell me dear, who am i to u? a normal guy just like the rest or someone who's in ur heart? cos i'm afraid of making the wrong choices..

uncertainties

2007-06-27T23:23:00.000+08:00

back from work n all.

this week is tiring. its been a month since we had a proper training. a month. that is how fast time flies. the first thing that my coach just had to do, was to throw us a fitness session. we had to sprint 6 times around the field. look, i maybe big and muscular but speed isn't my forte. i can run 10km and all but i definitely can't sprint it all the way!! so imagine how tired i was at the end of the session. we had scrums, line outs and a match simulation. to elaborate, i had to endure the force of 8 other people, lift a 70kg guy, get pushed, tackled, kicked, dragged and so on. y am i still playing it? in the words of a pretty gal, must have passion...passion!!

back to doing presentations. i'm left with 6 more weeks before i'm off for my holidays. first to KL then to Bangkok! weeeeeeeee! i seriously cannot wait!!

i was walking alone just now and listening to the songs on my hand phone. den the song 'kenangan terindah' by Samsons began to play. i was singing to it den began to think about the lyrics and all. suddenly, tears begin to roll lah! luckily there was no one around. ish! i was thinking about this particular gal. yes, i'm beginning to fall for u. i miss u loads and can't wait to see u soon. but i'm uncertain about how u feel towards me. i dunno what u treat me as and i'm afraid to show u how much i love u. yes, i'm holding back. i'm just afraid. but hey, if things dun go work and we go our separate ways, pls take note that you've been the nicest to me so far. n i won't probably regret knowing u. there's a reason y God allowed this meeting btwn u n me. n so far, He has never been wrong. n yes, i know God has better plans for me.

read my lips. i love u loads. and i'm scared to show it cos things might not work out. if u feel the same way, tell me pls. kan aku jadi kan kau kenangan terindah....

down

2007-06-24T08:40:00.000+08:00

she called me up around 8am. and she sounded weak. very weak. i can't help but to feel sad too. i mean, this is the gal whom i am beginning to fall in love with. and i am hearing her weak voice. it saddens me a lot. a whole lot.

so she says she can't work today and tried to contact the boss. her call wasn't picked up so she asked to try my luck instead. so i sms-ed our boss and a few minutes later, i got the reply. boss says that she thinks that Dayah can't work long hours and if she continues this hectic routine, she will disrupt our schedule. and she's not sending Dayah to my outlet anymore.

i agree to everything. EXCEPT THE LAST PART!! I know that everyone has a limit. your mind is a strong thing but your body is never invincible. i know that to run a business, u need a smooth flow of operation so u probably dun wanna have any disruption. BUT DUN HAVE TO TAKE OUT DAYAH WAT!!

i mean, i only get to spend time with Dayah is when she works with me. its hard to find to time nowadays. especially with me working and having rugby most of the time. so i have decided to change my work schedule once everything is settled. i will want to work from 5pm - 10pm on saturdays and do opening from 7.30am till 5pm. cos after work on sundays, i can meet with her. dats if she wants to. or i juz take off on saturdays. haha!

i feel sad. disappointed. down. seriously i do.

but i also know this is one of the challenges in life. God is great and i just gotta go through it. cos behind every dark cloud, there is a silver lining.

love u loads. seriously i do.

persona

2007-06-24T00:12:00.000+08:00

end of the first week since sch started!!

was looking forward to the weekend actually. a bit tired from all the dumb things happening in sch. been working through out the holidays so i didn't have much time for rest and relax. there's progress in our rugby training. there are finally proper game plays and phases! at last, we are going somewhere!

work has been cool so far. got a complained from a customer. blah blah blah. ah well, work is work. haha! i skipped school on Wednesday cos i was too tired. so i spent the afternoon with Hidayah down in Bugis. i borrowed her my spare phone since she lost hers a few days back. the person who stole her hp is really stoooopid! y did u take her phone?!?! how was i suppose to contact her den!

Dayah was down with fever today. she looked so tired from everything. sayang, i feel very bad whenever u look as if ur weak and in pain. i feel very very bad. if i could share the pain or even bear the pain for u, i would! seriously i would. aaaaaah...i really feel so bad. there are so many things i wish i could say to u. maybe i'll tell u tmrw k?

abit tired now. woke up early just to have breakfast wif her. and its worth the effort cos i really like to see her smile...

rewind

2007-06-18T23:51:00.000+08:00

well, its been kinda busy for me lately.

sch holidays just ended. so its back to school!

welcome back to W35Q. home to the 'Uniques'. yes, my class is W35Q and we called ourselves the 'Uniques'! strange but true. my mates are younger than me. on average, they are around 18 years old? yes, i do feel kinda old. but than again, age is just a number. i view myself as someone who is there to learn as well as to guide them along the path of adolescence since i went through it 5 years ago.

at 18 years old, i was working as a waiter at swensen's and a building maintenance worker with a private company. life was tiring but yet meaningful. i always tell my classmates that at 18, u are at a stage where u feel like exploring and that u tend to experience new things. cos in sec sch, ur shielded from the harsh elements of life due to the care that ur teachers give. but once you are out of sec sch, you are probably on your own. unless you are born with silver/gold/diamond spoon in your mouth!!

had gym training today. i feel as if my chest is getting bigger. haha! omg, i think i'm going to bulk up alot. time to do alot of running soon! lose abit of muscle mass n fat. can't wait for rugby to start again due to the stupid ban.

dayah lost her hp! omg! she was pretty much upset when she called me. aiyoh, i was even more upset when i knew about it! kesian!! aaaaah! n i get sad whenever she's sad. relax miss, dun be sad anymore. i'd lend u my shoulders for u to cry on, i think they are big enuff rite? haha! i know you'd smile at my corny and silly comments. i can borrow u my spare phone if u want to? no worries, i know how hard it is without having a hp. especially when ur attachment period is coming up. erm, just give me buzz if u ever need me k? u know i'm always there for u...

i'm starting to learn Jawi again. after years of losing interest, i think i'm at the age where i should give priority to my religion. been thinking about it since army days, but never had the chance due to super restrictions we have in the military. i often pray that God gives me jump start and i think He sent me one super great gal to set me off. haha! n i thank God for her presence in my life. i always believe that if ur lost, always get back to the basics. i may suck at reading Jawi but hey, i'm never too old to learn anything. anyway, age is just a number.

i saw a mom feeding her child. the child was making a mess of out everything and giving a hard time to her mom. n yet, the mom didn't flinch or sulk. i stood in awe, looking at how willing and patient the mom was. den it hit me. when she turns old and is unable to feed herself, would the child be willing to feed the mom? it is strange how we take things for granted. even stranger how we take people for granted. only God knows how i'm beginning to appreciate the people in my life...

heavy heart

2007-06-14T10:10:00.000+08:00

i spent the whole of yesterday, with a heavy heart. i couldn't figured it out till the end of the night.

work was as per normal. as soon as i started work, i got this particular feeling that a particular gal might pop out of nowhere. so i kept turning my head left and right while working, and she did actually appeared! scared the shit out of me but hey, she brought smiles upon my face.

so we talked about what was stressing her out and all. she looks pale and tired. and it scares me to see someone i like in that condition. tried my best to help her settle the problems and i do hope i was being a good listener and giving the best advice. she has the sweetest smile.

so we talked at night. and i told her about my feelings towards her. and she explained the reasons y she does not want to get involved right now. yes, i was disappointed. i mean, who wouldn't be upset if the gal u are fond of, dun want to be with u? hahaha! but that's life. and i'm ok. cos love is love. and it can't helped even if its a one sided thing.

i'm the type of guy who doesn't express out his views freely, cos darling, i think of ur feelings too. so here's what i gotta say.

dayah, go pursue the dreams and goals that u have. cos darling, ur youth comes only once in ur life. make use of the time u have right now. and no one should definitely stop or interfere in the chase for ur dreams. yes, those dreams and goals of urs are great. i agree. and which is y i respect u alot. but darling, dun see relationships as a hindrance to sum tings. dun let it affect ur life. dun ever! learn not to! no relationships are without problems, and it is these problems that u find out how strong and well u cope with life. dun ever let that mindset stay in u. cos i did, n it got me nowhere. a fren of mine, a very very close fren of mine, once said that 'dun ever give up on love'. i gave up on it for years now, focused on my life and yeah, my life's doing ok. but wat do i gain from all this? i've yet to answer that question. ya, ur different from me. and i think ur gonna achieve alot of great things. but just go with the flow!

u helped me realized a lot of things. and u never know how much that means to me. to realized how weak i am in my religion, to be more tolerant than ever, to have more faith in God and to trust sum1 again. i view u as someone who can teach me things which i dunno. n of course i love u! but if u think that love is a hindrance now, den its better that we break now. i dunno about u, but i know that it will probably tear me up inside. haha! but i won't show it to u. i'll mask everything and put on my happy face. wateva the fuck is, just know i reali like and love u loads.

and this is probably the last time i tell someone i like her. haha! THE LAST TIME!

so i guess dats y i had a heavy heart yesterday. mayb cos i was bottling my feelings up. go with the flow and we see wat happens. God is great after all...

metamorphosis

2007-06-13T11:16:00.000+08:00

ok, look. i know its been ages since i updated my blog. a lot of things happened and changed my life.

i have ORD-ed. finally. after much bitching about it in my previous posts, i have actually reached that point of my life. i love it and am enjoying every single bit of my freedom now. i couldn't sleep the night before my ORD. i lay awake and kept on thinking about my future. i kept asking myself these questions:

so where do i go from here?
what have i learned after 2 years?
how the hell did i go through those pain and sufferings?

the questions kept playing in my head for that night. den now i realized one thing now. it didn't matter. all of that didn't matter as long as God is with me. He was with back then, is with me now and will forever be with me. yes, it hurts being in the army. no joke. being forced against your will. i lost a fucking total of 50kg in the army. i worked my ass off. pure blood, sweat and tears. n God was with me all the time.

i miss my late grandparents. my paternal ones didn't get the chance to watch me grow to be who i am now. my maternal grandma left me in 2005. and often i think of them. almost every run i went through in the army, i did it for them. they indirectly gave me the strength. do note that i love you all with all my heart. for God and you guys.

i am back to working at my old place. old place, brand new me. n i met this wonderful 18yr old gal. she's the sweetest lil thing with the fiercest temper. n i freaking like her. A LOT. no, dun get me wrong. yes, i get attracted to pretty gals (just like u ppl!) but i'm afraid of them. pretty, popular and those with a ALOT of male frens. i'm just scared of them. so i stay away from them. but this gal is pretty, smart and definitely haughty. we have our regular 'debates' at work and i love teasing her. she made A LOT of differences in my life. indirectly. for once, cos of her i'm beginning to have more faith in my religion. n i reali reali owe her a whole load of gratitude. i love her for that. i reali do. she made me realize how forgiving one can b. realized that there's more to life than just what it seems. and i value her words. yeah, i sound as if i like her. yes i do. i admit it. n there's nothing wrong with that. love u loads Dayah. i think u know that already.

so i'll try to continue posting more often. cos i think this blog will be the journal of my life. loads of memories in here. n i can always look back, smile and let the tears roll...

confused

2006-03-12T16:51:00.000+08:00

sitting here. confused. tired. lost. totally wiped out.

work has taken a toll on me. was all out thru out the whole of last week. did my job. yet, i've to to jobs which belong to others. i dun understand. am angry. upset. n such. bleargh. 7 more months.

i dun understand y i'm having feelings for her. despite so many things that have happened, she's still in my head. dunno y. urgh. i hate this. she's my light yet at times, she's the one who puts my flame out. keeps me up but sumtimes, i fall cos of her. dun get me wrong. i feel as if i'm never good enuff for her. she has everything. me? nothing. no looks, no nothing. n yes, i feel inferior. ok, i have inferior complexity. but if u were in my place, u would feel the same. she's waaay up there n i'm waaay down there. totally confused. blur lah. if i tell her, den she'll freak it out. but if i dun, i'll turn into a freak. if i go away, den i won't know how things are gonna work out. but i stay, i might b disappointed. damn it. i hate the position where i am now.

counting down.

hoisted

2006-02-26T00:51:00.000+08:00

woah..its been a loooong time.

no mood to update my own personal life. its the same i guess.

army life is getting abit boring as the days go by. my vocation isn't one of the 'happening' ones. damn boring.

starting my diet in a few days. back to pumping iron n running like a dog.

oh, guess wat? i am now the 'Best Soldier' for February. didn't expect that. haha. now i've got a lunch date wif my commander. n i dread it.

am looking for a new pair of shoes. converse. any suggestions? any one?

a shout out to my buddy who has ORD:

CPL Luo Lian Bin

After 28 months, u've finally ORD!! Ah..muz b feeling damn relieved. gonna miss u bro. all the times we talk cocked together, stay in together, watching tv n doing all sorts of crap onto others. haha. easy going bugger. can always click wif anyone. ur stupid remarks n jokes. we are reali gonna miss them. lao jiao ar u! damn old bird. finally. enjoy urself bro. good luck for the future. wait for me. gonna reach the door soon.

9 months.

2006-01-31T13:52:00.000+08:00

happy chinese new year to my frens!

4 days of public holidays. maaaaan, pigged out!! ate damn alot. this is y i prefer staying in camp. haha! seriously alot. ran for an hour on saturday. did my circuits on sunday. ran on monday. n doing my circuits later on. circuits are no joke k? 100 standard push ups, 100 diamond push ups, 100 wide push ups, 180 squats, 280 flutter kicks, 300 crunches n helluva lot of reps of deltoids. crazy? mad? gila? hahaha..u gotta do wat u gotta do.

i sit back n chatted wif a my BMT buddy, sree manee raaj! we are probably the only 2 buggers in section who are still trying to slim down. n trust me, it shows. the rest of our section mates gained weight n ballooned up massively. maaan, u guys gotta slow down. manee asked me y i'm doing all these workouts. y? cos i wanna b a sum one. n to b sum one u gotta stay alive. i need a healthier body. haha. not for gals. not for sum farked up one nite stands. but for my own good. gals? u can get 'em anywhere. sex? can b paid for n delivered. a healthier body? blood, sweat n tears. i spent 18 yrs of my life gaining weight n i think i better spent the rest of my life losing weight. its a challenge alrite. ain't easy. i swear, its reali not easy. but life changed for the better.

when i was 18, i couldn't even run 1.6km. i still remembered a particular rugby training. the whole team went for a 1.6km run. n i was panting like fark. a fat fark. feel like dying. now? i can run an hour non stop. 30 mins is a breeze. n if God's willing, i'll reach the 2hrs mark soon. ain't easy losing weight. it's even harder to carry it ard.

she's aint talking to me. i guess its fine. mayb she should've done it a looong time ago. mayb i was dumb. haha. but hey, i will survive. 6 months of hell in tekong. this is nothing. anyway, mayb i'm not worth ur love. sorry for everything though.

9 months to go. the exact time it takes for a baby to b fully developed. for me, life has juz started.

refresh!

2006-01-10T15:31:00.000+08:00

welcome to 2006.

new things which took place in my life.

got a new hp. A Sony Ericsson K750i. love da phone. i love its camera. wished i could get the W800i instead. but this will do. am gonna b my own personal director wif the phone. haha! still gotta get a new memory card. the current one ain't enuff!

finally got my protein shake. my first. haha! Dymatize Elite Whey. Choco mint. tastes damn nice. smells even nicer. haha! serious training starts this year. gotta lose more weight b4 i ORD.

went for range too. SAR 21 is even harder to shoot. miss my M16. my wife. haha. 1 good thng abt the army is that we get to play wif all the big guns. police..they only touch the Taurus revolver. scdf? they juz shoot water. haha. maaaan...i wanna go thru range 1 more time.

this year..am looking forward to ORD. gonna plan to backpack to thailand. hopefully it comes true. my dear masturah has signed on wif the police. n she's wearing skirt! haha. u dun get to see in skirt often. haha. i saw her only twice in skirt! miss u mas.

lets hope for the best this year. get the job done.

singapore ain't snowing

2005-12-26T15:54:00.000+08:00

its christmas time.

a big shout out to my QM buddies who have ORD.

*LCP Justin Colond Bernard

wassup nigga! haha! always talk cock! justing here n there. haha! man..gonna miss the times when we go crazy. haha! u would always disturb my beauty sleep. n oh yah, ' i am very particular abt my sleep!'. haha! though u fail in ur mission to make thina cry b4 u ORD, rest assured i will pick up after u from now on. haha. see ya bro..all the best in ur future business.

*LCP Huang Xiao Long

chinaman! hailed from one of the provinces in the chinese land. haha! mao zhi dong! haha! this guy has a problem wif his english. n we always take advantage of him regarding it. all the best in china!

*LCP Hermi

the idiot who keeps talking cock all the time. loves to make fun of the other personnels. n yes, dun worry, we'll keep the tradition going. QM will stay crazy as ever. hope u'll get married soon n stop those stupid habits. n be a proper policeman in time to come. enjoy!

*LCP Alvin Foo Kee Leong

dun make fun of his name. haha! this guy is the quietest of the lot. i think he has seen alot of wat the world can offer to someone. the most matured of all. n i think he is one of the most hardworking buggers in QM. hates to b arrowed but willing to do sai kang. man..gonna miss u bro. my bunk mate for half a year. gonna miss ur stupid breakfast ciggies. haha. n those mornings where u book in n smoke in the bloody room. haha! keep on clubbin bro..see ya in sch soon.

missin' the old birds already. QM has evolved tremendously. worried not, kamil n me will go crazy wif them. haha.

was watching a malay programme called 'Hanyut' yesterday. to others mayb its disturbing, but to me, i think i'm used to it. i've been wif those kinda ppl. gangsters, sex crazed maniacs n honey trappers. n so on. used to have a practical buddy who got pregnant. a classmate who got stabbed. seen ppl being beaten up. so wats new? its how cruel life can b. but there always choices. its reali up to u where to choose the rite ones..peace out.

wat do i do from here?

2005-12-11T01:26:00.000+08:00

finally..the whole damn thing ended.

for 2 weeks, had to tend to the rationing of food. am so tired. 8 meals per day. kinda alot i guess. but hey, i'm juz doing my job. n yes, exercise switchblade was a tiring one. but, its the ppl who kept the whole thing going. to my qm dept, good job guys. though there are sum chow keng buggers, i guess we did alrite. not a single cock up. haha. a big thank u to our 2 reservist drivers:

*LCP Lim Lam Peng
ur a damn funny guy. though ur waaaay older den us, we are not much different. u've shown me that when we wear green, we are all the same. can never forget ur blur face, the times u kept making us laugh and ur goofiness. n oh, i won't forget that smelly fart of urs. thanks for not winding down the window first. n yes we hope u'll remember us for our blood punishment! haha! 'AUTOMATIC!!' haha! thanks mr lim..ur the best driver so far. hope we meet again, best soldier! ROD lor!

*LCP Sammuel Devadason
my brudder! haha! the quietest of the lot. dun b fool by this quiet giant. he's got one of the coolest job. he's a damn bartender! haha! n yes, booze n babes are juz one of the common things in his life. cool man. enriching experience to have a bartending unfolding the nite life from his point of view. n i'll try to drop by ur club lah brudder. of cock sucking cowboys n california motherfuckers. haha! cool bro..damn cool! see ya again next year. hopefully in 'High Noon'!

juz finished watching ' Castaway'. a movie wif tom hanks n helen hunt in it. reminds me of my own life. in an accident, guy stranded sumwhere without the love of his live. kept his sanity alive by holding onto his love for a woman. n when he's back, situation is all different n he lost the woman again. n he doesn't where to go from there. i was thrown into tekong last yr. she was there to listen to me. but when i'm done wif tekong, i realise its all different. n wat do i do from here? haha. ironic how life is...

a year left to go. fitter. stronger. better.

n in mr lim's own words: 'Get the job done, soldier!'

reality check

2005-12-03T21:44:00.000+08:00

am on a very hectic exercise. tired from everything.

my heel hurts alot cos i jumped off a tonner. didn't land properly on my feet. so i guess its the price i gotta pay.

been eating quite alot. no time to run cos i'm on exercise. am waiting for it to end. reali looking forward to it.

a week b4 i bcome a year old soldier.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!

2005-11-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya to all the muslims ard the world!!!

completed 30 days of fasting. feel damn good abt it.

this yr, it ain't that cheery. partly cos my late grandma passed away 2 months ago. n mayb cos alot of ppl are pretty busy. black is the colour of the year. n i was wearing it too. food was great. nice to see my family n relatives again. miss ya buggers.

gotta run again. getting fatter! haha!

.::the lights::.

2005-11-02T00:25:00.000+08:00

2 more days to go. den its hari raya. yeah!!

its been a cool year though. went to the army n all. amazingly, it did me good. practically a life changing experience. but the freedom isn't there anymore. its slowly strangling my life away. i'm chained to a metal ball. kinda sucks too. ah well, a year to go. nvm, i'll pull thru. am on leave for a whole week! my resting week. haha! abit tired from all the shit that i went thru for the past 3 weeks. urgh!

hari raya is juz ard the corner. n for the 4th year, i managed to fast without skipping a day. congrats zul. a tap on my back. am going to train up sum more. lotsa weight to lose by next year. new year resolution. haha!

have yet to get new shoes. my old shoes are all worn out. but i still like them though. most of my shoes are rarely seen on the streets. haha. that's y i like them. need to get 1 more shirt too! G2000, here i come. puma too! haha!

dropped by to c miss masturah yesterday. sorry dear, cos i didn't manage to talk to u. but its kinda disturbing arr cos whenever i drop by ur outlet, there's surely an idiot who spoils the whole thing. hahaha. imagine, i come in k. den i grab a bottle of mineral water. even b4 i opened the doors of the chiller, sum one comes in shout 'MAS!!!'. free2 kasi aku terkejut. n den he suddenly grabs a drink n stands behind me in the queue. n by the time i get to c u, oh u pretty creature, my face turns upside down liao. y? cos the bugger's talking to u. takde chance nak ckp! haha! n sorry cos i put on a fierce face. bingit arr ade lalat. haha! mayb he's ur fren but hey, its hard for me to even talk to u! hahaha! n yeah, i know that u can sense my feelings too. haha! hence the question abt my expression rite? haha! sorry miss! next time k?

ah..hari raya!! yippeeee!!

the walk down

2005-10-23T14:49:00.000+08:00

been to geylang lately? haha! i went to that place yesterday. its different. when i was young, i dread going to that place. the heat, the crowd n the smell. urgh! but now, it seems kinda cool. u get to see lotsa ppl. u bump into old faces. all the food. the sight. its like walking down the memory lane. in case u didn't know, i haven't to geylang for years.

its the fasting month. bulan ramadan. n the funny thing is, gals are dressing up as if its a normal month. wats wrong wif ppl nowadays? its not hard at all. wear sumting that's polite during this month. n if u wanna b naked in dec, go ahead. no one's stopping u. its like a flesh parade in geylang nowadays. gals wanna show they have 'them'. no need to show, guys know that u have 'them' already!! urgh! totally not rite.

hectic life in camp. am juz waiting for february to arrive.

saw an sumting happened last nite. which actuali made me realised a couple of things. i wasn't being a reasonable jackass when i was wif a particular gal. so i'm juz saying sorry for being a jerk, idiot, bastard n so on. but most importantly, sorry for not being there when u were down n out. emotions n zul dun reali mix u know. so i'm sorry miss M!

hari raya is coming. have yet to buy my baju kurung. my shoes. i need new shoes dammit. haha.

yeaps

2005-10-15T22:32:00.000+08:00

i know its been quite a long time since i wrote sumting. juz that things are pretty much boring nowadays.

had lotsa guard duties this month. pisses me off. i hate guard duty. reali i do. to the extreme. even thought of going AWOL cos of it. but my sanity has the better of me. thank God. each time its a struggle. haiz!! hate it. but juz gotta do it. lan lan suck thumb.

oh. i am no longer a private. am now a lance corporal. feels kinda good. haha! an insurance i guess. in case anything happens, they can juz strip me off my rank without charging me. hopefully nothing like that will happen.

fasting month has come. so my body's pretty much dormant. hasn't been running as much lately. n i know i'm getting lazy. next week, i'm gonna run 5km each day. juz b4 breaking my fast. need to control my diet too. been eating too much these days. haiz!

went out to seoul garden too! wif my mandai hill buddies. funny shit! saw a few of my ITE frens too! 1 of them even shriek out in glee when she saw me! she shouted 'SIAAAAAAAAL LAAAH! TU DIA?? DAH KURUS SAAAAK!!!'. haha. everyone was staring at her. dropped my water face. haha. n no, i've got a long way to go. but i'm taking it slowly. n hopefully by next year, i'll b having a healthier body.

masturah, i miss u. y still so down? i'm still here rite? so put away ur sorrow n juz smile wif me. yeah! do nothing n juz smile wif me. haha! hey, wateva it is, u know i'm behind u rite? so chill gal. luv ya.

where's my lovely sis? miss siti azura? 1 more month b4 attachment ends!! muz b happy rite? haha! yeah, i'll b at ur bday sis!

see that green guy? he's exactly like me. i turn into a monster when i explode. but rarely happens. that's the ugly me. same goes to the guy in the pic. exactly. next year, i'll b a malay hulk. haha!

2005-10-15T22:27:00.000+08:00

me.him.lotsa stuff in common.

.+:+cos its you n me+:+.

2005-09-23T22:10:00.000+08:00

am coping well now. been almost 3 weeks since grandma left us. n so much has happened. after her funeral, i ran 8km. the last 2 rounds were painful. tears were rolling down my cheeks n sumhow, i feel as if she's smiling down at me. i miss u grandma n i pray dat ur watching over me n guiding me to b a better bugger. God bless ur soul.

ran my AHM. n i feel good abt it. running 6.9km. wif thousands of singaporeans. haha. jam packed. beautiful morning. n nothing beats running on a beautiful day. its a pretty cool feeling to run along the benjamin sheares bridge wif ppl cheering u on. looking forward to the run again next year. hopefully, i'll b ready for the 12km.

i'm starting to enjoy staying in camp. though at times, boredom reigns, but its still better den going home n think abt stuff. sumhow it has become my escape from my problems. yes, i do think abt stuff in camp but whenever i need sum time for myself, i can juz lock the store n wonder. 13 more months to go.

miss masturah, u seem to come n go in my life. i find it very strange. i would usually try to avoid messaging u n stuff cos i reali reali dun wanna feel anything for u. but its juz sooo hard. especially when u sms me suddenly. i dunno y i'm feeling for u n i dun understand y. i wanna run away from u cos i dun wanna feel this love kinda shit. cos u would say that we can't b together. God knows y. if only can switch places for one day arr. den u'll know. baru padan muka!! see how it feels like to keep missing someone everyday. stressful. and sorry abt the prank call. was juz missing ur voice. ain't the police but juz a mandai hill soldier. haha. n ppl, can u pls ask this gal y she dun wanna have lunch or dinner wif me?? n mas, if ur reading this, can u pls tell us the reason? cos ur attached? attached but available? single but not available? single? double? triple? mcm burger! haha! ANSWERS!!

wonder how my sis is doing. she said she's been rather busy these days. nvm azura, one of these days, we'll meet up wif the rest of the gang. barry's in tekong now. heard that alot of shit happened in there. hahaha. funny stuff. haiz..i miss my frens. love their crap. soon man, once i ORD, its hello Temasek Poly! hello rugby! hello FREEDOOOOOM!!

that which does not 'break' you today, only serves to 'make' you tomorrow...

|+|+|+|bottom of every bottom|+|+|+|

2005-09-05T17:42:00.000+08:00

not in camp today. sumthing unexpected happened. n i'm feeling very very lost.

was abt to book in last nite. ard 9.20pm. my dad called n broke the news to me. he said 'zul, kau kat mana? dah sampai camp eh? eh..nenek meninggal. dia baru meninggal tadi!'. those words. unbelievable words. i stopped dead in my tracks. in the middle of the goddamn road. n all i could say was 'ok, zul try amik leave untuk besok!'.

my grandma passed away at 2107hrs. that's 9.07pm. i attended her funeral today n for a moment i feel that i'm lost. i watched her forlorn face while praying for her. she looked so peaceful. n its a wonderful thing to see her in that state. u see, she was bedridden for 7 years. fell down n couldn't move till the day she left us. but that didn't break her. each time i visit her, she would look at me n made sum gestures to acknowledge me. n i can see the sparkle of happiness in her eyes whenever she sees her grandchildren visiting her. she's a fighter i tell u. n to eagle coy ppl, it runs in the blood. now u know y i'm a chiongster.

couldn't help crying over the loss of someone dear to me. to see her finally going to a better place. her funeral opened my eyes to certain questions i've never posed myself to. y this? y that? y her? y me? so many things to ask. n only in time, God will show me the answers. n to my grandma, may u rest in peace. i've always loved u. on this sunday, i dedicate my AHM run to u. love u always.

/\_-sky high-_/\

2005-08-27T11:35:00.000+08:00

God. Oh my God.

last week was crazy. from monday till wednesday, i was on ration party. had to wake up at 4.30am n work till 10pm. damn shit. went to pasir laba camp cos we gotta send rations. damn tiring. got to meet my cousin though. damn u..in ATEC coy. haha! lucky ass..flying overseas so damn frequently. haha!

yesterday was damn damn gila. i ran 10km. aku lari 10km. non stop. for the first time, a fat fuck running 10km non stop. u should have seen me. a rhino down at east cost park running non stop. panting n puffing. couldn't care less wat the fucked up world think. i juz ran. i completed it. an hour! amazing. it takes alot to run non stop. it takes even more for a fat fuck to run 10km. soon. its there. juz waiting.

||||break_free||||

2005-08-14T12:36:00.000+08:00

this week. slack week. maaaaan...i got like 2 half days n a public holiday! haha! ended up slacking at home!

monday was ok. a half day due to my brigade's games day. we set up water points n the refreshments. lotsa fruits! especially bananas. hahaha! yeah..went bananas! played street soccer n scrapped my knee. damn medic applied alcohol prep on the wound n it stings like hell!! freaking hell..

tues was national day. same ol' thing. except that they showcased the different units n vehicles of the 3 main military groups. sure, the police n civil defence get better pay n their jobs are abit relax but sumhow the army kick ass. the cool vehicles, the sophisticated equipment to infiltrate the enemies, the suits and camou that we put on are juz some of the things that u can't get if ur one of the the boys in blue or CD buggers. n yes, we get shitty pay. hahaha. 16 more months to go.

changed of bunk too. from 4 men to 10 men. kinda sucks. i reali like my small bunk. the less ppl in it, the better. haha. ran a total of 11km only. slacking arr.

yesterday, met up wif my former section IC, PTE Sree Manee Raaj! we meet up every saturday for runs. we ran 6km ard the damn tracks!! amazing! manee's a fast idiot though he's big! dunno y..he's runner n mayb i'm juz a lifter. i dun run for speed. i run for distance. hahaha. good job bro, sum day we'll whack 10km. n once we hit that mark, we'll b up there. soon bro..soon.

like the nike ad. gotta break free. run wif no limits. n when my weaker side tells me to stop cos i've bcome fitter, i'll tell him to sit back n watch me bcome greater. the day is there, its juz waiting for me reach it.

.:.:.:reminiscence:.:.:.

2005-08-07T15:52:00.000+08:00

am feeling damn sick. down wif fever in fact. sore throat, runny nose n the works. hate it big time. haha. ain't gonna work for the time being. risky. too many NSFs are dying. so..better be safe den sorry. sounds like a goddamn condom slogan.

anyway, last week was stupid. we had cohesion day on friday. played bowling in the morning. now, u dun get to see me play bowling often. rarely. rarely, as in once a very very blue moon. come to think of it, i've played bowling only twice in my whole life. haha! yes, it is a boring game. BUT! but it require sum practice b4 u get the hang of it. its not that easy actuali. imagine a rugger like me, who uses raw brawn to steal the ball from opponents in rugby matches, picking up a bowling ball n straddle up b4 finally bowling it towards the pins. not so zul at all. haha. but its a graceful game. the way the bowlers pick up the ball. hold it close to their chest as if its the most precious crystal ball. aligned their bodies to get centre of the lane. eyes, ever so concentrating on the pins. n when they start the 'soft' jog, time seems to froze. n b4 u know it, u can hear the sound of the ball crashing into the pins. ah..like fury unleashed.

been running alot lately. i hate running actuali. to the extreme. but gotta do it for my body's sake. hopefully, am going down bit by bit. still got a whole year for me. stay in the diet n keep on running. its a slow process. at times, frustrating. but heck, for my own good.

surprisingly, i got an sms from miss masturah last thurs. been a long time since i last heard from her. gal, u make me worry. hey, i understand. relax. juz hope that ur doing ok n all. 4yrs ago, i was there for u. n now 4 yrs later, i'm still here for u. am proud by the decisions u've made. n i hope u make good use of the time u have. at times, i am jealous at how ur able to cope wif stuff n all. a super woman. haha. anyway, hope u will take care n i'll drop by to see once in awhile.

went out wif my sec sch frens last sunday. had a blast. though i was quiet most of the time. guess i was sorta down that day. dunno y. i juz feel tired. its nice to see u guys again. miss azura, my sis! hahaha! yes dear, u do look good in pink. the sweetest gal ever. haha. the princess of 4E3. ramok!! ahah! a sgt also! from 3rd Guards. bro..ur looking good sia. u n sakthi are looking damn well. barry, u goddamn civilian. i hope when u enter army next month, they will smack u good! haha! u know, ur a great guy to hang out wif. better train up for hell next month. n my best bro of all, private hilmi. no need to say lah. i know u inside out. n vice versa. hahaha! too well already. oh yah, got extra can passing or not!! wah liao...keep to urself sia!

woke this morning. saw an ad abt national day. yes, national day is ard the corner. the ad was cool. shows a couple of old photos. ppl of yesterday. n den a clip showing ppl of today wif the same pose. cool stuff. reminiscing. n den, it hit me. i asked myself, when i look back 40 yrs down the road, would i b proud of my old self? true, the fact that i've done some stupid stuff and the things i've gone thru. but at the same time, i believe that i was never a reali bad guy at all. my parents brought me up well enuff. n i know my priorities. my rights n wrongs. though at times, i tend to follow my bad side, i still know my limits. n at this point of my life, where i'm trying to b fit n shed a few kilos, i feel that i'm reaching the peak of physical self. to leave my old fat self behind n come out as a leaner guy. it feels good in fact. n yes, i have to admit. that when i look back at my past, i found myself tearing. n sumhow, i know i'm proud of myself. n nothing else matters. ask urself this, are u proud of urself?

of gangsters, tiger/baron and holding cells...

2005-07-24T10:08:00.000+08:00

let me see..my blog's getting dormant. haha. abit lazy these few weeks. picking up myself.

anyway, things are pretty well now. i am now officially a storeman. combat storeman. haha. no such vocation actuali. but since i have to go outfield too, might as well call myself a combat storeman. finished up my course last week. the most boring course i've ever been to. dunno why the hell i was there. haha. no use at all. but hey, the instructors were great. simply great. amazing. they were funny and knows how to handle us. its hard to get these kinda instructors. hats off to sgt alex, cheong, dhevan n rangit. not to forget master sidek, ahad, warrant kumar n somu. sgt dhevan, master sidek n ahad, warrant kumar, u guys were the best. almost burst my stomach due to all the stupid jokes. let me tell u y:

master sidek: btul tak wan?
wan: huh?
master sidek: ape huh huh? tutup mulut kau tu! kenapa? kau nak hisap aku punya konek pe!!

sgt dhevan: do u know that this class is haunted?
class: huh? sure or not sergeant?!!
sgt dhevan: yes..of course! this class has spirits. look at that guy. there he goes! see..concuss!!
class: huh? sgt..the guy's sleeping lah!
sgt dhevan: dey!! thambi! wake up! knn..muz get ppl to 'cleanse' n bless this place again lah!!

warrant kumar: ok..now all the locks have been changed!! u know wat lock is it? PANG..u know?
pang: long time ago already.
warrant kumar: HUH?? LONG TIME AGO?
pang: yeah..long time ago.
warrant kumar: DEY!! ARE U IN THE SAME FREQUENCY OR NOT?
pang: long time ago..change already.
warrant kumar: HUH?? WAT ARE U TALKING ABT? ARE U OK OR NOT?

hahaha...cocks man. the things i experience. hahah! funny man. from ppl watching porn at the back of the class to ppl going AWOL during a course. crazy stuff. nonetheless, i've passed my storeman course. 2nd best in class. am proud of it. mandai hill camp!!

am going to thailand in september. syiok arr!! but i know i'm gonna end up being a dog over there. there's sumthing abt me. i juz love to experience stuff. going thailand n being a slave. its cool. as long as i get to see the guys chiong in the field. good enuff. will do my part. thailand..here i come!! wonder how the hookers over there are..hahaha!

back from guard duty this morning. sucks arr. hate it to the core. i juz hate guard duty. truly hate it. dunno y. man...i'm not cut out for guard duty. dun give a damn. but the ppl i do wif..comes from different backgrounds. ppl from DB, CP and hold up cells. who use to beat up ppl, fite wif parangs n machetes, drink n get drunk. being rowdy in the past n repent once they are out. i respect this ppl. always interesting to hear their past. yeah. i respect them. y? cos they been thru alot to realise wat they do is actuali wrong. they tell me that its high time they change. n i think they've matured alot more faster than normal ppl. the way they think n do stuff. its called street smart. something which u can't get from books. survival. being street smart is survival. am learning lotsa stuff in the army. its cool. but at times. army juz sucks. haha.

busy week coming up. lotsa stuff to do. been running alot. wanna lose this tummy. dun care. i've made up my mind. no more tummy at the end of this year. fark lah. lets get it on. wanna get babes n play them out. hahaha. heart breaker sia. no lah. u guys know that i'm not like that rite. but hey..sekali i reali bcome one. hahaha.

prowler to guard..end of entry.

bored.

2005-07-02T18:20:00.000+08:00

life as a storeman is goddamn boring. the work is simply too boring. there's no life to it. everyday i wake up, go for breakfast n changed to smart 4 for the day. den i go for roll call and start working. i will open ops box n do maintenance.

boring. yes.

but the ppl are nice n funny. very funny bunch. get to go places. hoping for thailand late this year. pls let me go! hahaha! n the time we have for ourselves at nite. pretty much rocks. free time after 5pm. allows me to run n stuff.

checked my weight. i lost only 1kg after POP. damn. that shows i've put on weight during the blocked leave. ah well, i'm 13kg away from my target. once i reach it, i'll b damn happy. am waiting for pay day. supplements running out. n so is my dough! hahaha...

gotta lose weight. clear ippt. get those silver dollars!!

closed.

2005-06-19T11:48:00.000+08:00

no mood to write abt stuff. feeling rather sad. utterly sad. broken. yes. a more appropriate word. broken. juz like the song by amy lee n seether.

am booking in later on. dunno if miss kamil's gonna book in tonite or tmrw. personally, i dun find it a hassle staying in. even though there's nothing to do at nite, i can juz sit back n relax. dunno y kamil's going bonkers. ain't that bad anyway. borrowed a couple of books. terry brooks' mostly. so i can spend time reading the books at nite. should start praying again. life in bmt, didn't actuali provide much time to pray.

me n her. its not gonna work out. so i said my goodbyes n left. personally, its reali tearing me apart. but den again, i'm old enuff to go thru shit like this. hey, maturity lah dey. gimme time n i'll b ok. should concentrate more on training myself up. sum tings juz can't b forced rite? so carry on living n make the best of the time u have. i juz wanna wake up to each day n do everything properly, run that laps n pump those reps. so b4 i sleep each nite, i can tell myself that i've lived up to my expectations.

so buck up zul. run that 5km. pump those 20kg curls. dun stop till the pain from those trainings exceed the pain that love can give. to God, pride and honour. i promise i'll b freaking fit storeman. fark u medics who are reading this. hahaha. freaking druggers. injecting syringes into ur body. damn u. hahahaha. that silver is gonna b mine. trust me. its mine.

++ace of spade++

2005-06-18T06:24:00.000+08:00

2 SIB. the 2nd singapore infantry brigade. or the ace brigade as they called. thats where i've been posted to. of all vocations, as a storeman.

an RQ who's a commando. a brigade commander who's a commando. n where all the storemen are small in size. storemen who could actually get gold for IPPT. amazing. i feel out of place down there. n so begins my training regime.

the first day of reporting. 0715 hours, kamil n i arrived at mandai hill camp. we changed our 11Bs for temp passes. abit of a hassle but we got it done. den we saw our huge the camp was. freaking massive. there are like 9 other units down there. the recce team, the signals bugger, the shooting contingent n few others. wtf. we are suppose to take care of the stores for all these ppl. haiz. not to mention to tend the armskote also! urgh!!

we got lost in the urban concrete maze. we ended up at the 6 DIV HQ. so we decided to ask a reliable looking old man. den i stood there open mouthed. not to ask but in shock. bcos kamil called the guy 'uncle'. ok ladies n gentlemen, that was a very big mistake. assumptions. especially in the army. juz bcos there's a guy wearing CV, doesn't mean he's a civilian. he could b a WO, MAJ or even a GEN. so the old man took a deep breath n showed us the way. while we were walking, i burst out laughing. n told kamil, that the old man is probably a warrant. n kamil freaked out. hahaha.

given a bunk n went of for orientation. apparently, there were alot of stores to b take care of. haiz. the places we need to know. how the procedure is like. n so on. boring. freaking boring. we did almost nothing over the next 4 days. haiz. the ppl over there dun teach u stuff. they are too nice to scold us. i'm not used to this kinda life. slacking life. 6 mths of shit bmt n i'm told to slack now. urgh. cannot. am reali looking forward to the exercises that these infantry hounds are gonna have. can't wait to see the cool weapons n stuff. haha.

ran 9.4km this week. was running 3.2km everyday. am trying to run 5km comfortably. hopefully by july or august i can make it. haha. am bringing weights in on sunday. when i'm bored, i can always pump iron. haha. but gonna spread out my training. cos the gym's available everyday. we'll see how. gonna b on protein shakes till my next pay. yeah, i'm gonna eat lunch n stuff..but lesser. hopefully can lose weight. need exercise mat n pants for booking out. other stuff too. haha. enjoy. life of an ace brigadier is pretty good when there's nothing to do but once the exercise begins, its helluva time. hahaha. lets get it on.

unsure for sure

2005-06-12T18:35:00.000+08:00

damn damn unsure of wats gonna happen tmrw. freaking me out.

was packing my bags a couple of hours ago. lotsa stuff playing thru my mind. funny n stupid stuff. so many memories. maaaan, 6 months of bmt. we are the champs. no one can beat us. but tmrw, is a new begining for eagle 1. of medics n storemen. majority will b going to nee soon camp. whilst the rest of us will b scattered in different camps all ard singapore. eagle warriors, juz chill to wats gonna come our way. we are the sai kang kings. n no matter wat shit they throw at us, keep in mind that we've been there n done that.

as for me, i've always hated sai kang. tears flowing when i thought abt my future. everything's uncertain. its unsure for sure! for all u know, i'll turn to a fat fuck once again. n trust me, its reali scary. to know that u've lost 24kg n damn unsure if its gonna return again. and so, on this very day. the 12th of june 2006, i will make a promise to myself that if i dun reach 85kg at the end of this year. n if i dun meet that target at all, den i am nothing but a goddamn loser. this i can promise u. cos trust me baby, its hard for me to break promises.

oh yah, mas, if ur reading this, our promise ends in abt 18 more months. its been 6 months since we made the deal and u know that i'm gonna win. that's for sure. u know it n i know it. hahaha. n i've been asking u out for god knows..how long..more den a year? n ur still busy. haha. damn, i'm dat patient! ah well..we'll c how it goes.

6 months. reasonable time. reasonable target. FAT FUCK NO MORE LAH!!! ccb..fuck fast food n all the shit. hahaha. baron's strongman challenge. here i come.

||store galore||

2005-06-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

tmrw i will b going to my new vocation. as a storeman. yes. it sucks knowing that ur gonna b a storeman. but as in the words of my fren, pvt adnan, its hatred we have to love. haha.

posted to mandai hill camp. 1st SIB. lotsa outfield. guess i'll b dining out wif my fella storemen and eating rations all the way. BURP! ok..delicacies aside. the things i gotta do? i'm under General Equipment. meaning, i have to handle everything. from jerry cans to counting ration packs. but no worries, wif the help of the infantry dogs, i'll probably get things done in a jiffy. hey, INFANTRY leh. haha.

kinda missing my platoon mates. yes bros, we'll meet up regularly and complain how much we hate our vocations. haha! eagle 1. of medics n storemen.

24 hours away. soon to recce my future camp. need to know how to get here. haha! quite near lah. hope its not of too much trouble.

wah liao..masturah. miss u lah.

loading...

2005-06-07T21:36:00.000+08:00

had a great bbq down at east coast yesterday. met up wif few of my platoon mates. eagle 1. the ones that can click actuali. haha. chic wings, sausages, crabsticks, noodle and titbits. great food, great ppl and great place. fantastic RnR.

eating alot these few days. loading phase lah. hahaha! been few months since i had these kinda things. i haven't tasted chocs for almost 2 months till last nite! haha! ice cream? god knows how long it has been! too much free time lah. plus somehow..time seems to b flying by too quickly. reading again. terry brooks! haha! i luv fantasy, magical and such stuff. haha!

met up wif my old sec sch frens on sunday. azura, hilmi, nahar n barry!! maaaaan..its been a loooog time!!! azura came down wif kay. cool bugger anyway. hahaha! enjoy arr bro, ORD liao. not like us. damn government dogs. haha! missed those times in sec sch. yeah..like wat my sis said, we've grown up but still the same ol' buggers. the bond is still strong even after all these years. talked cock. hahaha! great way to relax lah. oh yah sis, doing my part lah eh..so STOP FREAKING SMOKING!!!! haha..like female dragon sia! hahahaha! stop it, hop onto the fitness bandwagon wif me. hahaha! missin' ya sis...

she's in KL. wah liao..missin' her like mad. hahaha! i wish she would juz b mine. i'll take care of her good. haiz. i wish she wouldn't b soooo stubborn!! ahaha! hey mas, if ur reading this, smile leh!! i like u alot leh! ya ya..i know i siao cos i'm saying this online. but if i say it rite in front of u, i think u'll blushed leh..hahah! or at most u'll b quiet n call me siao again. yes ppl..she loves calling me siao. hahaha! dunno y..but then again, she's also a crazy gal. hahaha! i think she likes me..hahahahaha!

no more loading phase. time to get back on the tracks. trying to go for a 10km run. non stop that is. hope to lose alot more. God pls dun let me be lazy. i wanna get a smaller waist. hahaha! loving my upper body though. thank u God. lets go.

private moments

2005-06-02T06:15:00.000+08:00

its been 6 months. pure hell. pure fun. simply precious moments. unforgettable stuff.

i've passed out from tekong. finally. but somehow, i ain't feeling happy. for the only person who was there through out the whole training phase, i guess i should b. its like being thrown into a room, wif 11 other ppl for 6 months. den pushing them to their physical limit. suddenly after 6 months, u separate them and throw them different vocations. yes, i feel happy. more of the relieve side. somehow, the uncertainties are there. where will b? will i b able to cope? to carry out the tasks? who are my new frens? where are my section mates whom i've been wif for 6 months? so many questions, nobody to answer.

to my section mates, i know i'm gonna miss u guys. though there are some lazy maggots, i guess i'm still gonna miss u ppl. when i first came in, i looked around. i have zero confidence in you ppl. the way u ppl act and stuff. couldn't believe it that some of u ppl are actuali in the army. dunno if u ppl can cope wif the trainings. den as the days go by, u guys have proven to me that section 1 will always live up to its reputation. the fittest among the unfittest. yes, even when we are short of men, we make sure we get the job done. a tribute to my section. i'm proud of u guys.

to recruit sharif, i consider u to b my best section mate. we've seen each other break. i've seen u breaking ur own damn limit. proudest of u. think back bro, 10 years down the road, u'll remember u've done the 16km route march even though ur about to fall. i take my hats off to u. u would juz keep quiet and do it. i know u would b complaining in ur heart but the way u do it, is truly amazing. if there was a best section mate award, u'll win it bro. hands down. i wish u all the best for ur future vocation n do keep in touch.

recruit manee, bed 1 of section 1. though i've beaten u upteem times in combat shit, i still look up on u whenever it comes to running and endurance shit. ur part of team black magic and seriously, ur team is truly magical. u've shown me that fat bastards can reali run. n have done my section proud. yes, at times we dun respect u as section ic. but trust me, most of the times we reali do appreciate wat u've done. do call me up sometimes, we can hang out together bro.

rec msw, the kid of platoon 1. i hope ur growing through out ur experience in NS. i respect u, cos u went thru NS without the support of ur family. wif ur family in Brunei n u in Singapore alone, its reali amazing how u did it. so young yet i think ur quite capable. sometimes, ppl do make mistakes and its not wrong to admit. learn not to win in every situation. sorry cos u've got one of the worse buddy. i hope i've done my part as the 'other' buddy to help u ease the jobs that u have. look up kid and show the world wat u can reali do.

to tan seng sim, the loud mouth of platoon 1. never met a guy so talkative n able to carry 'balls' like u. ur funny, witty n fast thinking. at times u make fun of situations at the wrng time. its best to shut up sometimes. thank u for being there wif me when we chiong. making my time in tekong fun. i extend my hand as brother to u. i know ur gonna miss us and we are gonna miss u big time.

to rec soffri, my cambodian bro. its sad to see u break apart when u get ur status. chiongsters dun care abt that. we chiong cos we want to. not cos of sum status. believe in urself and not the army system. its nice to get to know u better bro. though we went to the same school b4, its better to know u in camp. the days when we chiong together, when we were an unbeatable pair were truly unforgettable. u motivated me and pushed me on. for that i thank u. i hope i've done my part as well. i know when i grow old n have kids, i will b able to c them enlisting too. n when they are in camp, i'll b proud to tell them about u. taking u as an example of my best platoon mate, my bro and my fren. i know i'm gonna miss ya, keep in touch bro.

yes, i am crying when i'm typin this. 6 months of no status. its tiring. very very tiring. the pain i've endured. i'll b proud to tell ppl i went thru ALL the shit. i was there for every single training. for every single punishments. for every single proudest moments of my life. i've amazed my own self. never thought i could do it. i thank God for giving me the health to carry on every single time. chiongster. garang. FS. fit. crazy. 50 cents. dats wat they are calling me.

i am unsure of the future but i do know that i'm missing my section n platoon already. my sergeants n all. wat is this feeling that i have? for its making tears flowing down my cheeks...

1 week

2005-05-23T00:27:00.000+08:00

back from camp. late though.

was suppose to back home early saturday morning. but due to the SIT test personnels, we had to book out on saturday evening. oh well..as long as i get to book out den its ok. brought back my stuff from camp. a week left b4 i POP. its been a hell of a ride.

did my IPPT last week. passed 2 out of 5 stations. standing broad jump, pull ups n 2.4km...the elusive ones. soon. pretty soon i'll whack the standing broad jump shit. den the 2.4km run. finally the pull ups. am gonna go one notch up this week. OTOT till i go flat.

had my trench digging too. was basically digging ur own personal grave. a place where u can shoot at enemies n where enemies shoot u, n u die in ur very own self dug grave. hell..the shell scrape was damn cosy too! hahaha! tiring stuff. took alot out of me. blisters n sore on my hands.
amazing stuff.

went to visit masturah. for the very first time..i stood there for almost 2 hours. she's going thru a bad time. very very bad time. n i'm so lost. feeling helpless n useless. God, if ur feeling my pain, do feel hers too. help her to overcome this challenge u threw. help me to see the solution to her problems. for no one else can i go to, but U.

1 more week. been thru 25. am thankful. to God, thank u for bringing the best out of me. ur are my saviour.

bring it on. bismillah.

2 W.E.E.K.S

2005-05-15T00:01:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey..

2 more weeks to go. am quite hyper abt it.

guess wat. i've been upgraded to C1L1. still got chance for combat vocation. though i hate the jungle.

16km route march on friday. from 4pm till 9.30pm. it was damn tiring. too tired n got irritated by the songs n so on. its juz me. i hate it when ppl talk too much. i thank God for giving me the strength to carry on. it was amazing. though only 11 ppl went. wif 7 eligible recruits n 4 volunteered C9L3, we managed to persevere. the experience of a life time. i'm proud to have done it.

did my BIC too. battle innoculation course. amazing. had to leopard crawl like mad. back crawl like an animal too. the funny thing is..i made it thru in super fast speed. even my sgt major was impressed. God has helped me alot. my strength comes from Him. finished first in BIC n BAC. i've done it.

thru out all these stupid courses i went thru, i kept forcing myself to do it for her n my body. praying to God to give me the strength i need. she's my inspiration n motivation. i dunno wat i am without her support thru out my BMT shit. thanks mas.

its juz 2 weeks away. gotta get thru this. though i'm gonna b tired but i know at the end of the 2 weeks, i got 4 whole days to myself. worth it. worth every single effort i put in. thank u God.

WHAM!!

2005-05-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

3 more weeks to P.O.P!!

cleared my field camp. no more rubber trees. heat in the forest. 3/4 of the day wif helmet n SBO. no more. clear liao!

on the last day of field camp, there was a turn out. at 4.30am, the first thunderflash was thrown. followed by another. den blanks were shot up in the air. the booming voice being heard thru a loud hailer. it was a turn out. luckily, most of us had been expecting this shit. we had packed our field packs nicely and as soon as the first thunderflash was heard, most of us were already up. alot of rushing here n there. but we made it thru.

lotsa pics taken during field camp. haha. memories of Eagle 1.

BAC was next. didn't expected it to b DAT dirty.

we had to apply BCCT on a couple of targets while clearing a few obstacles. like barb wire and zig zag zinc. leopard crawls, back crawls n not to mention the idiotic baby crawl. crawling on the muddy and VERY sand surface was terrible. but the best part was venting everything out onto the dummies. it was cool. the best thing ever. being able to shout n whack wif everything u got. the last dummy received a good one from me. the last thing u wanna c is a titan running towards u wif a rifle.

16km route march next week. god knows how i'm gonna go thru it. headache arr. not to mention alot of aches to come. BIC is next too. grenade technical handling n stuff. 3 more weeks. juz 3 more.

oh..damn the M.O for giving me a C1L9. all the 5 months i undergo without falling out or reporting sick..its all like wasted. down the drain. but fuck it. i won't let sum dumb M.O let me down. i'm gonna show him dat i'm a goddamn PES B. fark. bring it on.

3 more weeks. lets go.

back to civilisation

2005-05-01T00:25:00.000+08:00

the worse week of my BMT phase. totally worse.

booked in on sunday. den route march on tuesday. 12km route march. surprise, surprise. the person leading us is none other den, our dear ol' CSM. the crazy guy took us on a 12km route march which almost lead to the failure of my legs. we were practically running during the first 2km! imagine running wif an additional load of 16kg on ur body. it gets worse when ur heart is meant for an 80kg body but instead its in a 100kg body. goddamn it. totally mad. i got blisters during the first 2km.

the blisters tore open once we completed the route march. everyone was sooo tired. i was over heating. dunno y but my body heats up too fast. we had to change for lunch straight away!

wed was field camp. the ultimatum. set up concertina wire n iron picket. its crazy lah. helmets n SBO have to be on almost every single time. kept feeling giddy n groggy. cos of the damn helmet. had the chance to shoot blanks. cool stuff. doing section movement n stuff. aggression to the core. almost fainted a couple of times but thank god, i managed to hold on.

once field camp was over on friday, we rushed back to the coy line. its freaking amazing how nice to see buildings again instead of trees. dun get me wrong. i love nature. but nature n military apparels dun reali match. once we cleaned up, i took my temperature. den i realised thru out my field camp, i was having high fever. the temperature i took was 40.3 degrees. amazing. i can be so stupid at times.

hey sis, sorry for not replying to ur sms on time. was out field arr. dun get all teary. pls dun. cos the rite one will come soon. u made the rite decision n dun regret it. juz get busy and u'll soon realise dat ur gonna b feeling better. time heals everything. its true. relax and take things in ur stride ya!!

dunno lah. me n mas. i'm on the verge of juz going isolation. giving up everything lah. i think i'll die a lonely man. she's so stubborn. haha. learnt how to b stubborn from her too.

long weekend. take the chance to sleep n rest. body's a bit heaty now due to the fever. feeling abit high sum times. if i dun wake up tmrw, tell mas i love her. hahaha! n to EAGLE 1, 4 more weeks to POP!!!!!!

fuck it. 4 weeks. lets go. break me now.

back to camp /\````\

2005-04-24T09:57:00.000+08:00

booking in today. feeling lethargic.

went out to beach road yesterday. wif a platoon mate of course. we went to get a couple of things for the upcoming field camp. bought zip locks, prickly heat powder, torch n many other stupid things. hahaha. had fun talking cock wif him.

dropped by my ol' working place down at bugis. miss my 'mothers' over there. yeah, wat they say is true. i once said dat i can't wait to enter army cos working is tiring. den they said once i enter army, i will miss working. n its true. went to eat chicken rice n tom yam over there. nice! been a long time since i ate such food. haha! decided to dropped by 7-11 n visit dear ol' masturah. since i'm dropping by, i decided to buy her sumthing to eat. she said dat her hair looks funny. dun think so my dear. it looks juz fine, especially wif dat pretty face of urs.

went to buy a few other things too. my briefs n a stack of paper for my printer. went back n did sum weights training.

going to the jungle for 3 days. hectic week ahead. booking in today.

((+)) WATCH YOUR FRONT ((+))

2005-04-23T09:07:00.000+08:00

back from 1 week of hell.

did E.T run for the very first time after slacking for a few weeks. my sprinting has gone down. softened. weakened. time for me to buck up. for the very first time in my whole life, i did 15 reps of diamond push ups. DIAMOND. goddamn hardest of em' push ups. i believed i've pushed myself beyond my limits. from juz 10 reps in the past, i've managed to break the damn limit n went up 5 more reps. amazing.

range was hell. the humid weather. the boredom. the noise. the ppl. n most damn thing of all, the sleep deprivation.

we had to wake up at 4.30am n fall at 5.15am. from there we went for breakfast n draw arms immediately. n without a due, we went straight to the range. trust me, it sucks. the day stretched from 4.30am till 2am on the very next day. almost 24 hours down there. hearing gun shots. ppl shouting n chattering at the utmost noisiest level. it was a nite mare.

for 3 straight days. we practiced firing under the influence of sleep deprivation. sum gone fuck while others can still make it. me? i'm still there. though i reali hate sleep deprivation. it makes my mind go haywire. on the 3rd day, we had our test. n i passed. i passed shooting a rifle wif live rounds. n i excel during the day shoot. so dun mess ard wif me during the day.

my sis, azura, having quite a problem. juz like me. headache arr sis. this kinda thing reali sucks. puts us in a spot eh? haiz..problematica. haha! ah well..juz take it slow. follow the flow n time will tell. keep on smilin' ya sis. missin' ya!

5 more weeks to go. i am gonna miss my platoon mates though i find them irritating. i'm gonna cry when i pass out from tekong. trust me, cos i went thru 6 months of hell. n i did not fall out once or took status. even when i had fever, flu, cough, headache n watever shit there is to affect my performance, i sucked it in n went thru the training. n i thank God for giving me the determination to push myself. never knew i could make it thru. without u God, wat am i. n to masturah, thanks for being there. though i probably won't know where its going now btwn the both of us. n i still miss u. ah..team Fajar. bros n sister for life. am loving all of u.

5 weeks. pray for me.

= ghost walker =

2005-04-17T07:59:00.000+08:00

was so tired! reali reali tired. even though there were no hard activity but still..haiz.

went for my IMT shooting. passed it. got ard 75% hits on target. unofficially, i am a marksman. haha! cleared IMT n now waiting for range. gonna b stressful. hope i can hit most of the target wif my rifle. oh yah, gave my M16 rifle a name. called it Mas II. haha!

finally when outfield last week. spent most of the time playing in the jungle. learning how to camou n the the field craft. pricked my fingers n had my neck scratched by thorns when we were asked to camouflage ourselves in the wild. i look damn fierce wif camou on sia. violent. haha!

had nite combat training too. dats where we learn to work as a team. nothing less, only more. learnt how to ghost walk. haha! its scary shit when u can't see ur enemy. can't wait to finish field camp!! so i can POP!!! tekong's a nitemare!

so many things happening. yet i am able to relate a few. strangely yesterday was the most craziest day. i went out alone. walking wandering. was thinking of masturah. she's having one of the toughest time in her life now. n there r so many things which she shouldn't b doing rite now. it hurts to much to know the one u love, is having a difficult time. and ur juz there, dunno wat to do cos she's not opening up to u. u can't do much cos ur in camp. it juz hurts so much. i reali pray dat she's able to cope wif everything. she's a super woman n i hope she can pull thru. sorry baby cos i can't b there for most of the the time. but i can ALWAYS b on time whenever u need me. am so missin' u.

6 more book outs b4 i POP. i hope masturah can make time for dinner wif me when i POP liao.

from 6 months to 6 weeks. its a huge transformation. n everyone can't wait to POP. field camp? range? all the other shit? bring it on. cos i know i'll always have her by my side.

canadian bull target

2005-04-10T09:19:00.000+08:00

back from camp again. blardy crazy week of stuff.

had our 8km route march. madness. madness i tell u. everything was ok until we reached the last 2km. dats y i almost fell out. lotsa stuff going thru ur mind when ur tired. as if someone's telling u to juz tap out. but i held on n finished the goddamn distance.

the coolest stuff was IMT. our rifle shooting simulation lesson. cool stuff! shooting at a target of 25m n 100m. BANG!! BANG!! woohoo! hopefully i can go for the marksmanship award!

went out wif zul to beach road yesterday cos i reali needed a name tag for one of my uniforms. haven't been there for some time. they have the coolest shit for outdoor life. bags..bottles..anything for the rugged. den met up wif nahar to watch 'Be Cool'. the movie's ok. abit funny. but i think should've watched 'Spanglish' instead. heard dat my sis, azura, passed her exams. congrats sis! ya..i'll try out the mocha villa soon! enjoy urself thru out the week ya!

she asked me y i never gave up on her. y should i? i'm a simple guy looking for a simple gal. she said she's not pretty. but hey, i'm the one looking rite? n in my eyes, she is gorgeous. she said she's stubborn. well, am i not stubborn too? hahaha! no one's perfect so i can't b her mr perfect. but the least i could b is her mr good. if u reali like someone, u would give ur best juz to make them smile. i dun need a supermodel, a celebrity or a goddamn gorgeous gal by my side. i juz want her.

am going to run more often now. 2 more months to go. i wanna go off from tekong wif a greater size reduction den now. god help me. its time for me to buck up or b fucked up.

100 push ups. 200 crunches. 2.4km. go.

my warcry..

2005-04-02T17:58:00.000+08:00

i sat here. back from camp. tough week of pain.

had 3km route march on monday. cleverly used clear tape to bind the sole of my feet. this is actuali to prevent the massive blisters from hell to appear. trust me, blisters n flu are the 2 most hated things in BMTC. can't walk wif blisters on ur soles n u can't run wif a blocked nose plus a weak body.

i had 3 BCCT trainings. abit stupid but it brought out the fighter in me. most ppl won't know but i've a lil bit of martial arts training back when i was a kid. god knows wat happened but i seemed to b more comfortable as an unarmed soldier.

den had a crazy PT session by my specialists. 6 in all. i had ALOT of jumping jacks, push ups, bridging, alternate leg thrusts, flutter kicks and buddha claps. damn. lotsa pain. lotsa fun. they've taught me well abt mind games. i am now a reverse psycho freak.

had the creme de la creme training on friday. the 6km route march. took out alot from me. am not used to carrying an xtra 15kg of shit on my body n walked 6km. i find it strange how the more i stop for breaks (which we are FORCED to), the more tiring it gets. mayb lesser breaks n more walking will b better.

its been 3 days since i had did proper 100 push ups per day. but now i'm concentrating on my arms. read a quote in Men's Health which goes like this:

'i have no past. nor do i have any future. i live in the present. therefore, i am now'

which is true. i shouldn't b thinking of how fat i used to b. or how i'm gonna look like tmrw. cos i won't know if i'm gonna wake up tmrw n dat i already know dat wat's past is past. the main thing now is to live for today. look at the present. wat matters is, i finish my reps n sets!

should have asked my sis, azura, out today. but i felt too tired. sis, i promise i'll asked u out soon! i am confused. i am missing masturah. but she's not working today. i've asked her out though. but she didn't reply earlier on. till juz now. i am at the point where, i juz wanna go away from her. cos i reali dunno. abt going after her all over again. its scary. even for a soldier. sure it sounds funny, but it reali is scary. ur going out, all out, for someone whom u reali like. u wanna b wif. but she's remaining low. not telling u how she's feeling. or anything. n i juz wanna F.O from everything n juz b the fucker who's happy for her. but as in the words taken from the movie 'Hitch', u dunno how much it hurts every time u wake up n knowing dat the gal u love is being wif someone who's totally wrong for her. i dunno. u tell me.

have fun. 110 push ups n 200 crunches. go.

kapoooot....

2005-03-26T19:25:00.000+08:00

last week. slack week.

for 4 days, we had log day. short for logistics day. its where we do nothing but tend to logistics. n i do mean nothing. only 1 training per day. had circuit on monday. dunno y but the training killed my thighs. had stiff thighs for the rest of the week. tuesday was E.T run. mixture of running n brisk walking. wed was IPPT specs training. seems like my sergeants wanna kill my thighs. did ALOT of thigh strengthening exercises. n guess wat? thurs was guard duty day. fook. i had weights training on thurs morning though. my fav training! haha. but took alot out of me n had to survive 12 hours of guard duty. yes, 4 hours of walking. roughly 12km worth of steps.

blisters, yes. fatigue, yes. sleep deprivation, yes for 24 hours. a white figure on a tree at ard 2am, yes. shall not talk abt it.

booked out yesterday. spent the whole day sleeping. blistering feet reali sucks. trying to puncture the whole thing. so the liquid will flow out n not cause any pain. seems like i can't.

woke up early today. went out wif shortcut to clifford centre. apparently, my former employer has opened a new shop at a Banquet foodcourt down at clifford centre. n yes, the foodcourt's new too. lotsa stuff down there. but the food ain't good. i still prefer good ol' Raffles Hospital. haha! bought my Men's Health magazine n went to Cash Converter wif shortcut. he wanted to sell off his flatbed scanner but the queue was too long n he was on stand by for mobilisation. so we screw everything off n went home.

went home. ate. read my magazine.

did some weights today. concentrating on my abdominals. its 110 push ups n 200 crunches per day now. seeing results. can't wait till i P.O.P. 2 more months.

i feel shy whenever gals look at me. should i feel shy in the first place? or should i b honoured?

guessed dat my former state makes me realise dat sometimes..ppl take beauty for granted. dat some ppl seems interested only at the physical aspect of others...instead of looking deeper. funny aint it?

chained

2005-03-20T09:52:00.000+08:00

dats it. last day of my block leave. no more freedom.

i'm left wif shaving my head, goatee, clipping my nails and packing my stuff. hell's waiting for me back there. well. there are some things which u can't juz run away from. swallow the shit. nvm. it will only make me. as long as my motivation is there, i bet i won't fall out so easily.

am loving my body. need to work on my deltoids n abs. my upper body's looking good. haha! nah..wait till i POP den i'll show it off. yes. i am a metrosexual.

feel good today. up n running. refresh. NS. bring it on. haha! mcm real aje! been there for almost 4 months. other companies have already passed out. left wif my company n the newer batches of recruits. an old bird in the army now. but they say, the more u know den they demand higher standards from u. dun care, dun give a damn, dun give a fook n 10 more weeks left. wahaha!

booking out either on next thurs or fri. cos it gonna b Good Friday. so getting a day off. when the hell is she gonna say 'yes'!! haha! nah..not impatient but kinda scared. k..off liao. anything drop me a comment or something. see ya..

2 more days..

2005-03-18T21:14:00.000+08:00

2 more days till my freedom is over. the holidays have made me realised lotsa things. dat time is damn valuable. when it flies by u, den its gone. juz like dat. took the liberty to train whenever i'm free. feel refresh n can't wait to start my BMT. lets see how tough i am before i start to break. trainings can only 'make' or 'break' u. for me, it can only 'make' me into a stronger person.

been thinking abt her. i should stop this u know. but reali can't. dunno y. dun ask me. ask her lah. so attractive. haha! her ways n style. her different moods. her smile. oh my god, her smile. wif kissable lips. hahaha!

didn't train today. wanted to rest my body. was suddenly vomiting last nite. upset stomach. won't give any more details for this. haha.

slept alot. i'm starting to relax. body needs rest. dunno if i should go out tmrw. last day to enjoy. NS has its ups. made me think abt my future n stuff. lotsa stuff which i reali reali wanna do now. juz need to wait till i ORD. haha! 2006. its not dat near nor is it far. gonna b different. for sure.

berhenti berharap..

2005-03-17T18:56:00.000+08:00

if u have the chance, listen to this song by Sheila on 7.

aku tak percaya lagi
dengan apa yang kau beri
aku terdampar di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

she gave me this song last year when she juz broke up wif her ex bf. didn't reali knew wat the song meant till today. i juz sat there n listened to the song. i started to put myself into her shoes. den i realised dat she's no ordinary. she's one of those wonder women. if only, she gave me a chance...

bugis..

2005-03-15T23:19:00.000+08:00

took a lil trip to bugis today. was supposed to meet faizal at 4pm today but ended up reaching at 4.15pm. but when i called him, he said he's still in class n will b reaching at 4.30pm. urgh! if only i knew..

was walking along the food junction when i saw this gal wif this particular hairstyle. damn familiar hairstyle. den i realised who she was! Miss Siti Azura! wassup sis! hahaha! she didn't noticed me at first. so i kept quiet n smiled at her. only den she saw me! haha! so funny! eh sis! ur hairstyle is unique arr! so far, ur the only person i know who has that particular hairstyle. suits u very well! haha! oh yah..my sis has a cool iPod Shuffle now! damn..waaay better den my Creative Muvo. but den again mine has radio n LCD display! wahahaha! was damn nice to see her again. unexpected yet cool. missin' ya sis!

waited for awhile n figured dat faizal ain't gonna b reaching any sooner so i took a lil walk to a certain 7-11 outlet. wanted to buy H2O n visit masturah too. wah liao..when i came in n opened the fridge's door, she was already smiling! urgh! in case u ppl do not know, i am a very shy guy. i have a very fierce outlook n i do not expect ppl to smile at me cos i'll feel very awkward. very very awkward. i will melt especially when masturah smiles. trust me, i tend to b very shy towards her. yes miss, i ni pemalu. a damn shy bugger. y? its obvious lah.

talked to mas for like 3mins before i started to feel extremely shy. cannot lah. she's my kryptonite. den i went off n waited for faizal. when he came, it was nearly 6pm. walked ard the whole of bugis junction before deciding to have dinner at swensen's. he had salmon n mushroom baked rice whereas i had chilli fish pasta. damn..baked rice tasted good sia. ordered coit tower n faizal took hot fudge bonanza split. wahaha! this is fattening! but once in awhile its ok lah. should have gone to Fish & Co but i wanna go wif masturah arr. dats if she says yes lah. still waiting. haha! nvm..see how it goes.

met cassie at starbucks n had a long talk wif her. cassie's my cool eurasian fren. cassie's short for cassandra. cassandra hale. stays ard my area n went to ite macpherson wif me. talking crap arr this gal. was telling me how she watched banned movies in la salle for knowledge purposes. haha! funny sia! went back wif her n we talked abt gays n lesbians. cool arr! great to have met up wif my macpherson frens. cool as ever.

overall..had a great day even though i didn't go to sentosa wif the guys. felt lazy n dun find any good reasons to go. ya..sentosa got gals but i dun think i should look far when she's right in front of me. bsides, u can wish for any gals in this world but does the gals want u? hahaha! wishin' to meet my wonder woman. juz who is she?

yeeeeeeesss!!

2005-03-13T07:45:00.000+08:00

'its sunday morning, rain is falling'

had a slack day in camp this week. the worse in fact. doing sai kang. yes..sai kang. when the enhanced batch passed out, my company had to do volunteer work. all of us, n i reali mean ALL, hate sai kang. its reali stupid. they'll ask u to do stupid stuff. like carry this n dat, wash toilets, arrange chairs and so on. things dat dun reali matter during ur training. hate dat. reali hate dat.

went out to the I.T show down at suntec. suntec holds alot memories for me. fun shit. haha. miss those days. the halls were packed wif ppl. swarming wif heads n all. ppl touching brushing against my ass when i was walking thru the crowds. imagine those women walking thru. gone case liao. bought 2 games, mercenaries and need for speed 2. can enjoy my 1 week break liao!

watched 'Hitch' wif the guys. caught the 10pm show n ended up taking a cab home. dun reali care the movie's damn cool. will smith was suave in the movie. charismatic n charming. some of the methods of making the first move are reali creative. reflects so much on me. can b alot of help to others when their relationships are shaky. but when it reali comes to dear ol' self, i dun even know. great movie.

she sms-ed me during the show n made my day. made me smile and made me think. funny how someone can reali affect ur mood. smilies now.

i wanna go n smell the morning. sit at a high level n watch my surroundings. immerse myself wif thought thinkings. n juz wonder wat the hell are these feelings.

sai kang = shit work.

she

2005-03-05T01:31:00.000+08:00

she's there. i'm here. i feel sad. missing her though. should b moving on. if ur reading this, give me a sign. love ya.

pump..pump..pump..pump until u all die!!

2005-03-04T18:59:00.000+08:00

booked out earlier den usual today. instead of booking out on saturday, they changed the whole thing to friday! this is due to those idiots who are gonna collect their A levels results. hahaha! god knows wat kinda of shitty results are they gonna get. yeah..i'm evil! *grins*

slack day this week. had my first CO muster parade. my first damn parade. starched my boots and polished my boots. was looking my smartest dat day. den i look at the mirror n asked myself, why the hell am i here. den i think abt the flag raisings n lowerings, the bugle dat they play, how my family is doing, my frens are coping, the 'garang' looks of my platoon mates and my rifle. yeah..my rifle. y the hell was i given a rifle. den it dawned to me dat its reali not abt serving 2 years, bcoming fit and being the best soldier. its a simple reason dat ppl tend to overlook and deny. but once u bcome a soldier den u'll realised dat ur here, juz to protect the ones u love. n dats all the reason i need.

during the parade, the CO mentioned my company and told us dat we are now at the halfway mark of our journey while the rest of the companies will b passing out during the next 2 weeks. when ur standing still n hearing all these things, u can't help to shed tears. i can still remember the 1st time i enlisted. bald, wearing a brown canterbury polo t, jeans n adidas brown shoes. wif a red oakley bag on my back. so blur, sad n yet eager to serve my 2 years.

n look where i am now. standing here, reaching 4 months into training n watching a batch of my fellow recruits passing out while i still have another 3 more months to go. no longer can wear the polo t n jeans. booking out wif a fieldpack instead of other bags. getting fitter. things have changed alot.

had my first recruits nite also. funny skits by bravo coy, now known as bronco. they even have a professional dancer! hahaha! man..sometimes u guys juz crack me up. dat nite, i spent time looking at stars. hahaha! yeah..its been along time since i look at the nite sky. very very long time. its kinda like those still moments, where u juz look up n ur lost in ur own world. there's alot of things ppl tend to forget. like when was the last time u ate wif ur parents? u look at the clouds? the stars? actuali play in the rain again? hold ur partner's hand n juz whisper sweet nothings? hahaha...

am looking forward to block leave. probably wanna sit at the beach or mayb camp out! still wanting for anyone to follow. i wanna wake up smelling fresh air and running ard the beach. oh yah..gave up liao on chasing anyone. i think i'm to spend my whole life single n looking after my parents. time for me to get up n juz move on. no good to stay fixed on old love. mas, forget the deal we made. its better dat way..k? haha! have fun n keep on smiling miss!

am missing so many frens. should go out wif miss siti azura n gang. hahaha! she's gonna flip when she sees her real name. great ex classmate of mine. haha! should catch up arr sis! mayb during my block leave can plan up wif nahar. my macpherson frens. where are u guys?! n my ever so busy dover guys. kinda long entry but hey, gotta jot down my thoughts rite? one whole week's worth of entry. hahaha!

better. fitter. higher.

pushing..

2005-02-27T00:18:00.000+08:00

first of all..i muz say dat i am feeling very tired. God, thank u for the strength u've given me to overcome the week. i am reali thankful!

hectic week. had lotsa things going at one short. weights n circuits. ET walks n jogs. Route march. things are starting to heat up. the route march was exceptionally tough. though it was only 3km, it was also the most tiring. i can still remember the siren going off...telling us to beware of heat alert. yes..HEAT ALERT! weather was damn hot. i washed my shirt n without wringing the water off, i juz let it hang. 2 hours later, the shirt was totally dry. imagine dat, 2 hours to totally dehydrate a medium.

the route march was also an eye opener for me. it made me realise dat there are other ppl who need my help. my platoon holds the biggest of them all. morbidly obese. the biggest of them all. there are some of them who can't even walk 1km. its heart breaking to see ur platoon mates struggling on. there's something abt me. i dun like see ppl in pain. for some goddamn reason, i turned around. tugged n pulled 2 of my platoon mates till we reach the halfway point. along the way, i can see their eyes beginning to redden and the anguish facial expression. i almost cried wif them. y? its juz sad. to see them carrying the pain n yet pushing on, not trying to give up n ur juz fitter den them n walking ahead of them. its been 3 months n being in the same platoon, doesn't mean having to work together but to suffer together. as they say, never leave ANYONE behind.

when we reached the halfway point, they thanked me for helping them. continuing back the rest of the journey, we kept on pulling n pushing one another on. my bag tore due to too much pulling and tugging. i had bleeding blisters on both of my feet. its difficult to carry urself wif an xtra load of 15kg n den tugging 2 other ppl who weight more den 120kg each. but somehow i did it n i'm glad. i realised my limits n have pushed it even higher. n so do my buddies. on dat very day, i salute my bigger comrades for not giving up. u guys earned my respect big time. nothing else can replace the determination u guys have. i may b smaller n fitter but hey, its all in the heart. tears shed n dried, bros till we die. respect shown n given. keep up the good work eagle 1.

dunno wats going on in my life now. living each day as it is. love life? dunno. can't seem to grasp it. i'm somewhere lost in my old love. i miss her n i do want her back. but it takes two hands to clap..yes no? i dunno..i juz wanna go get away. dun wanna contact her n juz remain in solitude. i am fool when it comes to love. hahaha. yeah..i'm a reali shy guy who's a sucker when it comes to love. 2 more weeks b4 block leave. wanna hang out at east coast for awhile. anyone wanna join?

anyway, for mas..here's a the chorus of a song:

You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you, love you, love you

would any gals say yes when a guy say the same to them? go figure...

CHINGAY!

2005-02-19T23:45:00.000+08:00

book out day lor! b4 booking out, had a terrible time. marched 3km wif ard 15kg on my body. took the whole coy nearly 2 hours to finish the march. its time to step up the pace. lotsa commotion n time limits. punishments. sometimes, u juz wonder whether ur in the rite place or not. last year i was juz a normal civilian but now, i'm wearing green n being called a 'recruit'. the lowest form of life in singapore.

went back home in a cab wif my taxi buddies. the cabbie was a rowdy bugger. talked n talked n talked. to those ppl out there, do not go on talking to tired recruits for long. it will only irritate them further. reached home in abt 20 mins. the cabbie was a speed demon.

changed up n threw my dirty laundry into the washing machine. went out within 2 hours. haha! went to bugis wif nurdin n hidir. had my lunch at my ol' working place. ate chicken rice n tom yam soup! haha! i love the place. brings so much memories. ppl down there dun recognise me anymore..until they take a second look. too thin! dats wat they told me. haha. army kills.

den after lunch, went to say hi to masturah. she's working at a 7-11 near my ol' working place. damn, if only she worked there earlier. haha! she said she wasn't gonna b shy when i'll b there but it was totally different thing juz now! she say me n started to smile n laugh even though she was serving this ang moh guy. this ang moh guy was asking abt a card so he could call back home n mas was looking at me n asked me 'eh btul kan? world card leh pakai public phone kan?'. haha! n she kept laughing n smiling. the ang moh guy was giving me this funny look n den looking at masturah n den looking at me again. i think he knows. hahaha!

after dat we went to watch chingay parade down at orchard. damn fun! lotsa ppl! woohoo!! caught some pics wif my digicam. hahaha! love those mobiles! somehow, i think the indians are good at these kinda parades. cool shit! haha!

its been great to see u again mas. seriously. u've lost weight! too much smoking lah sayang..cut down n u'll slowly quit. didn't say much juz now cos i reali didn't know wat to say. like wat ronan keating sang: 'you said it best, when u said nothing at all'..n yeah dat was so true juz now. no dear, u dun look funny, kental or very awkward wif ur glasses on. in fact, i would've preferred u wif glasses on. no, ur hair's colour is not DAT obvious but i can still see the colour. sumtimes its better to listen to other ppl's opinions n den compromise regarding certain issues. black hair's cool n it reali goes well wif dark skin. trust me cos i think ur pretty. sorry for not smiling back when u smiled at me. i was sooo shy when u smiled at me dat i forgot wat to do. yeah..i am shy towards u. dun ask y. i juz do. ur shoes? nothing's wrong wif them! i was smiling cos i used to have a pair of those..but of different colour. urs are green whilst mine were white. n they were my fav pair of shoes! sometimes i forget abt things. especially nowadays wif so many things going on. n sometimes i can b ignorant abt stuff. wasn't making fun of ur english juz now but was rather amazed how u've progressed. n to b frank, i've forgotten abt teaching u english. hahaha! thanks for refreshing my memory! there so many things which happened during dat time. some were great whilst some were bad. but teaching u english, clipping ur nails cos u didn't know how to, having dinner wif u down by changi beach, u singing a malay song to me by the beach, u being my motivation for surviving NS are some of the greatest things in my life. n yes, i do miss u..

tsk..tsk

2005-02-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

went out today. didn't have any plans until someone told me abt a picnic down at east coast! damn u army buggers! u guys were planning this whole thing since last week n only confirmed it this morning! n someone told me to come down..at 3pm! crazy buggers. n i didn't went for the picnic cos it was rather late. dun expect me to show my face n den stay for ard 2 hours n den go home. woodlands and east coast abit too far for me to waste 2 hours.

ended up..hanging ard at causeway point. met up wif hilmi n zul majid. haha! yeah..zulkifli majid. used to b my twin back during sec sch. same name, same size n same interest. till he lost a whole LOT of weight! dunno how he did it..but it was amazing. followed zul to GNC to get his supplements. thought of getting mine too but zul wanted the promo thingy. nvm..i can wait till tmrw. can go out wif recruit sree manee raj to get my supplements!

zul did something stupid. he didn't checked his change after paying for the supplements. soon after we left, he noticed dat he only had $2 in his wallet. blur cock siak! hahaha! he got all mad n fussy! went back to the shop n told them wat happened. seems like the cashier mistakenly took zul's $100 change. hahaha! u should have seen zul's face. funny seh! den hilmi joined us for dinner down at pizza hut. the baked beefballs down at pizza hut was good! damn good! haha! hilmi told us abt the things he did..haha! shall not say these kinda things down here. for my ears only. den hilmi told me dat he say adila in the train few days back. seems like he had quite a conversation wif my ex gf. adila seems to know dat i'm in NS n asked hilmi whether i'm still angry at her. n my idiotic fren told her dat i've forgotten everything abt it n dat i'm now a lover boy. wft! hahaha!

nah...adila, i've not forgotten everything. tell u the truth, i probably won't. somehow, a big part of me reali hate u. the humiliation n all. hypocrite. seems like u no longer wear a tudung cos u KNOW u aren't showing the appropriate behaviour for someone who wears one. call me a bastard, a petty jackass n wateva. i dun care abt u, i dun need to know abt me n seriously, juz F O from this world. F U U?

oh yah..back to my journal. haha! letting off some steam. bought my optical goggles and a Men's Health Magazine. goggles rock big time. see things cleary underwater. haha! interesting shit in the mag. i managed to get a her-watch. hahaha! wif the box n all. to the person who will b receiving the watch, its kinda like a gift from me. n do accept it.lotsa gals today. lotsa babes. but somehow, i ain't ready to dive into a relationship again. n seriously, i may behave like a goddamn bastard but i reali dun have the heart to flirt and go screwing other gals ard. yeah..dats me. n i like myself. haha! one woman man. got some pics taken earlier. enjoy!

2005-02-12T00:10:00.000+08:00

her watch

2005-02-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

the three amigos

chinese new year..

2005-02-10T23:02:00.000+08:00

3rd day of my long weekend. due to Chinese New Year!! been bored since the past 2 days. literally had nothing to do. cycled, ran n did some weights. wanna go out but most of the shops are closed due to CNY. urgh! i hate being bored!

wanna get a new xbox game. can no longer sit n do nothing!! probably gonna go watch Constantine tmrw. need to get out. restless at home! hahaha! heard the movie's good too! all the more i should see it. reali need to get a pair of swimming goggles which has degrees! short sighted lah dey! wanna practice my breast stroke. how come i can swim freestyle n when i'm learning to do breast stroke, i can't grasp the technique?? should start swimming regularly! need to train up..get back my stamina. i lack stamina for swimming and running. haiz!

i'm not slimming down. oh god..y?? the only thing dats happening to my body is dat its shaping and toning up. maaan..i need to go down 2 size smaller. but..i'm loving how my body looks like now. hahaha! cool biceps and triceps..n hardy chest!! woohoo!! need to get hydoxycut again..my supply of hydoxycut is depleting. n those supplements ain't cheap!! by the end of february..i want a cool shapely chest. its on the waaaaaaaaaaaay...

oh yah..have to send a watch to someone. need to give her a v-day present. she gave me a watch a few years back n i've yet to send her a gift to thank her! yes..yes..i am rather late. but lotsa things happened..dis n dat..never contact n so on. but now since got the chance, i might as well send rite? haha! i need new shoes!! leather shoes..dat goes well wif polo tees, shirts, jeans and pants. something dats versatile. haha!

so the things i need are:

xbox game
optical goggles
hydroxycut
a her-watch
shoes

n dun ask how come i got the money to buy these stuff when my allowance is less den $400!! savings arr..hahaha! oh yah..if u guys are reading my blog, leave a tag ya!!

to endure and excel

2005-02-06T01:14:00.000+08:00

to endure and excel. the motto for fitness specialists and physical training instructors. i find the motto damn interesting. its reali all abt progressing. if u can endure the time, pain and torture then u've juz excelled in pushing ur limits higher. n army life's like dat. u juz gotta learn how to endure in order to excel. n i'm trying my best learning how to endure the pain. as odd as it may sound, sometimes i smile when i'm in pain. when i have to endure in push up position, in buddha clap position, leg raising position n so on.

dunno how many ppl do reali read my blog. but i think this is probably the only place where i can pour out my thoughts and feeling to my heart's content! life in the army is tough n boring. its monotonous. ur body aches all day. but surprisingly, i manage to breeze thru each day as it is. i thank God for giving me the strength and determination to carry on.

next week is chinese new year. gonna have a whole week off. feeling rather scared cos i might put on weight. have to plan out wat i gotta do next week. i probably go run 3km ard the stadium and go to the gym. hope can lose another 20kg more. cos i already lost 10kg! wanna see a new zul at the end of bmt. a slick, cool and smart zul.

v-day's ard the corner. i dun reali celebrate it cos its against my religion to believe in such things. den again, to those who DO celebrate it...do cherish the ones u love. cos u never know when they've got to go. u'll never know the true value of someone till dat someone disappears from ur life.

my life's a bore. i look forward to book out days cos its the only time where i have my sanity checked. there ain't no gals in army n the rest of the other guys are botak. haha! so its nice change of sight once a week! oh yah...had my guard duty last week. terrible time.

tekong's a scary place to b at nite. trust me. reali scary. lotsa things come out at nite. seen stupid stuff which i ain't gonna mention. but somehow it has boosted my courage. had to walk for a couple of hours ard the whole island. den had a few hours of rest n den back to prowling again. did the whole thing for 4 times over n over again. had alot of blisters and trust me, i was reali thinking of juz reporting sick the very next day. thank God for giving me the strength and determination to carry on. its been 2 months n i've yet to report sick. i am thankful to God for giving me a healthy state of mind and body. thanks mas for replying to my sms when i was bored dat day. u've been a very nice lady. thank u soo much! muackz!

learnt how to appreciate time given to me these days. hey mas, i've changed. i've learnt lotsa things. n i'm thankful. wif each passing day, i've learnt to believe in God and myself. i still miss u though. hopefully ur smiling always.

livin' each day as if it's the last. enduring so i can excel. lovin like never b4.

book in lor!

2005-01-23T10:28:00.000+08:00

today is book in day...book in..book in..book in day!!

been having sleepless nites these days. damn it. irritable and angry zul. i can't do anything if i'm sleepy. sure to have put on weight over these 4 days. my mom's stubborn. she cooks everything fatty!

hate to book in. damn. waste time. i still have 5 more days b4 my book out day. need to get dettol later on. army toilet stinks big time. v-day's coming! should i get something for someone? dunno leh..

haiz..army changes u. someone's rite! but i believe i'm the same ol' me. zul is still zul. hahaha! livin' each day as if it was the last...

left check!!

2005-01-22T13:15:00.000+08:00

am now so tired!! went out from 2pm till 11.30pm yesterday. practically circled the whole of orchard! town was full of chinese and ang moh gals! aaaaaaaaaah!! so pretty! hahaha! but hey, wats a face without a heart rite?

was hanging out wif my frens yesterday. let me see, 5 soldiers, a policeman and 2 students. hahaha! told u, 75% of my frens are now serving the nation. went to borders looking for a book to buy but cannot reali decide on one and ended up buying nothing!! intelligent ppl in borders! smart looking gals!

we ended up playing xbox games along the streets and had dinner at lido. talking crap wif my frens. 7 years of frenship. from the day i entered sec sch till now. from students to soldiers. from boys to men. dunno wat would i do without them. posted my pics up now. the difference of 2 months in the army. from chubby to cengkung!! wah liao! SAF Slimming Centre works! hahaha!

2005-01-22T12:13:00.001+08:00

hey hey!! a picture of me now!!

2005-01-22T12:13:00.000+08:00

ok..this is a picture of me 2 months ago!!

echo..

2005-01-21T09:07:00.000+08:00

today's a rather sombre day for me. its hari raya haji. went to the mosque for prayers today. i alway look forward to going to the mosque every hari raya..regardless whether its adilfitri or aidiladha. the feeling is different. the ambience, the atmosphere and the ppl makes the whole praying session a rather special event. not forgetting the takbir, which is the only thing which instantly makes me reflect on the stupid things i've done thru out my life. today, i was sitting there and thinking abt 5 major things.

the first 3 were the relationships i went thru. been awhile n i think i've learned from my mistakes. the first one was a total disaster lah, wasn't my fault at all. but my 2nd n 3rd one, i should have been a better guy, though i gave my all in my 2nd relationship and i would do it all over again. but hey, picked myself up n doing well now. relationship is a rather complicated thing. one thing i realised abt me now, is dat i dun reali talk to gals. i'm a different person wif guys n a totally different person wif gals. i tend to b a very angelic bugger ard gals. dunno y. SNAG arr..

the fourth mistake almost ended up wif a police report. shall not tell the whole world.

the 5th one is me being myself. i should change. for the better though.

army changed me. i am more disciplined n can co operate wif others more. i realised dat i am a nobody. but when 49 other guys are enduring the same dreadful trainings wif me, i sense that they look up at me as a somebody.

ur left..ur left..ur left..RIGHT!!!

2005-01-15T21:55:00.000+08:00

am now and officially, a 2 months old soldier!! been rather away from home. army life is rather tiring!!! drains all ur energy..break u into putty n they do it all over again the very next day.

lotsa stuff probably happened which i probably can't remember. last time i looked in the mirror, i look damn good. somehow, my body's not going smaller but bigger!! muscles baby..muscles!! haha! have not reported sick for training yet. probably among the last few survivors! GARANG lah!!

the peculiar thing abt wearing the army uniform is dat ppl actuali look at u! it feels weird! gals especially! they will look at u wif this funny look as if they know u..den they look away..n den they take glances at u again. scary sia!! as if i reali did something bad to them. to the ppl out there, i am a very good boy. pls dun think otherwise ya!

am saving up money for a digital video cam! almost there but not there. haha! wanna make my own movie lah. den if the money's good, i'll venture into pornography k? hahaha! as if! am missing masturah. but den again, i've been thinking. i probably should juz forget her. she's way too good for me. though sometimes it gets rather lonely, i think love can still wait. hey mas, i reali like u. but then again, i ain't good enuff. hahaha!

booking in tmrw. am feeling sleepy now. got M16S1 rifle last monday. gave her a name. shall not tell anyone. hahah! hey ppl..i miss civilian life. take care..

beat..

2004-10-28T23:13:00.000+08:00

its been alooooooooooooooong time since i last update my blog. getting busier as the days go by. is there such a word as 'busier'? hahahaha! haven't written shit since sec 4. haha! anyway..it has been almost a month since i updated my blog. so here i am..writing my woes away.

alot of things happened. but alot of things i've forgotten abt. hahahaha! went to zouk for an xbox show. the first n probably the last time i'm entering a club. went there wif nahar n a fren from dover. lotsa games being previewed there. damn..i love my xbox. haha! was reaching out for a cup of sprite when this babe appeared from nowhere and stood bside me. didn't realise that there was a camera man wif her till she turned n talked to me.

she said: 'aye! u guys are gonna play or wat?'
i said: 'of course! are u gonna play?!'
she said: 'yeaps! so watcha gonna play?! later find me arr! we challenge!!'
i said: 'bring it on gal!!'

wif that she went off smiling n waving to us...wif the camera man of course! hahaha! didn't know who the hell she was..till nahar told me it was Denis Keller. i believe that's wat her name is. MTV VJ or something. haha! chey..i kena challenge by an MTV babe! sheikh haikel was there also..he was so into playing xbox games. i bought 2 games..fable n kingdom under fire. cost me $138..maan..i am spending waaaaaaaaaay too much!

juz got my ns letter yesterday. at laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast!! finally the govt remembered abt me! yaahoooo! am looking forward to joining the army. abit anxious lah cos i wanna finish it A.S.A.P n join poly! i got a future okay! am suppose to report to CMPB for a medical check up again. 2nd medical check up already..they think i'm a freak or wat? aiyooooh! made a bet wif masturah that i won't change when i ORD. she said i'll b a changed person once i finish army. dunno wat the hell she means by that..but as good old zul knows..that once a zul is always a zul!! yeaps! she's gonna lose lah...

been working rather hard these days. i hate it. i hate seeing customers. they keep asking me to smile. would u smile at a stranger? no? that's wat i think too! these crazy ppl keep asking me to smile for no apparent reason! siao! i am serious by nature...hence the serious look. i ain't no monkey who smiles when ppl approach. a smile to a stranger is merely a form of donation!! yeah..i'm a jackass! hahahah!

i am tired. energy drained. fatigue has set in. the brain is shutting down..........

yippeeee!!

2004-10-04T23:53:00.000+08:00

finally had the mood to update my blog. been damn restless these few days. dunno y lah! haha!

yesterday i had dinner wif a very famous malay supastar...back during the 80s or something like that. didn't actuali recognised her till the auntie working wif her was gawking at her presence. so i juz smiled at the supastar n juz kept quiet. seems like the supastar would rather have her dinner quietly. after she went off to get her drinks..i asked the auntie who the supastar was. she said 'tu lah rahimah rahim!! kau tak kenal eh zul?!! tu lah asyik american islam aje!!'. hahaha! wif that i went off to have my dinner. den suddenly this lady sat bside me wif her husband n daughter sitting across the table. i looked up n was like..waaaaaaaah, SUPASTAR!! hahaha! yeah..chatted wif her for sometime n persuaded her for a pic. hahaha!

bought my esprit glasses today. damn..costs me $300!! the glasses were going for $98..till i wanted to change the tinted lenses to customised transparent lenses. i'm short sighted lah..haha! potek kotek! haha! seems like its quite hard to change the lenses cos my vision for both eyes aren't balanced. so one side might b thicker den the other...UNLESS i took the hi index ones which were MORE expensive. do the math..n the lenses costs ard $110? well..at least i get sports glasses for my coming NS!!

gonna b very busy this week..have to support my 2 wives n 8 children. hahahahahhaahhahaha!

everyone wants a piece of zul!!

2004-09-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

spend the whole day at work. which was damn frustrating. y do i get stupid customers arr?? bloody idiots can't even order wat they want!! urgh!!

am angry at someone. pretty much fucked up. bleargh! ain't gonna speak!

seems like i'm getting swarmed by the different polys of singapore. back when i wanted to get into a poly, not even one of those schools ever considered me as a candidate even when i only failed my maths by a grade. now, after i've graduated from ITE wif good grades...everyone's giving me brochures n letters to attend their open house. FUCK u idiots!! dun even know whether poly's worth my time! hey, their rejected me first!! so screw 'em!

darn bit torrents...

2004-09-27T23:42:00.000+08:00

am so bored. decided to download bit torrents cos in need of entertainment. games being downloaded. at a very slow rate. i cannot withstand the delay in getting my stuff. damn starhub..

watched america's next top model juz now. where have all the love gone?! superbly frustrating to see the gals being unhelpful. especially towards a selfless gal. freaking hell..can't even bother to help someone by waking her up. unbelievable!! ello..pls bear in mind that if u dun win the competition, ur still a fucked up nobody. u dun get any royal treatment when ur a nobody n u certainly aren't gonna get any better treatment if ur an ungrateful nobody! stupid idiots..its better to have frens den collecting enemies. see..told u rite..some pretty gals are juz pretty stupid.

was suppose to get my hari raya outfit tailored today..but my mom kept postponing the whole thing. i might end up wearing juz t shirt n jeans!! nooooooooooooooo...

uh huh!!

2004-09-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

work was tiring..super drained!! had to cut chilli though i'm still trying to get over the bad accident..arranged the plastic containers..cut veggies, onion, lemon, lemon grass, tomatoes, spring onion, parsley, arranged the noodles..waaaaaaaah!! going siao2!!

hahaha! today..i was being mean. whenever a pretty gal placed an order, i would b sarcastic n try to make them look bad. dunno y lah..probably juz wanna test their intelligence. hahaha! n hence, zul's theory is that a NUMBER of pretty gals dun have the exact intellect to match their physical. in short, some pretty gals are pretty dumb. wahahahaha! u should have seen how confused they were. aiyoh..i predict retribution is coming for my bad deeds. hahaha!

lotsa pretty gals today. aiyah..wish could juz b a flirt n get to know every single one of them. wahaha! but hey, i'm enjoying life. no need to b a playah. haha!!

hey!! hey!!

2004-09-24T23:38:00.000+08:00

went to work today. something's wrong lah today..the train was full thru out my journey to work..n back from work. how come everyone's out today?

work was ok..abit busy. funny thing happened at work. sort of funny to me. shall not elaborate cos it concerns the status of my stall. hahaha! anyway, something happened on my way to work. was going up the escalator from the bugis mrt. when i'm walking all alone..i'm lost in my own world. i dun not bother wif the ppl ard me..unless i actually see u in front of me. hahaha! i was putting on my 'mr-zul-is-now-lost-in-his-own-music-world' expression cos i was listening to my mp3 player...when i took a glanced that the opposite escalator which was going down. noticed this familiar lady wif her frens. found her very familiar but can't seem to pin point who n where i've seen her. so i stared at her for like 10 secs n she stared at me too. den suddenly..pai seh lah..stare directly at a gal who's looking at u..so i looked ahead. den her fren suddenly waved at me..n the gal laughed. aiyoh..i was thinking to myself..who the hell is she? den she smile n wave me. so i waved back n smile. took me awhile to realise who she was. aiyoh..she's a nurse down at raffles hospital lah!!!

to that nurse..next time ar..dun make me feel kinda funny by staring at me. juz smile lah!!

hehehe..

2004-09-24T01:10:00.000+08:00

yes yann..i'm updating my blog now. hahaha!!

been busy lah. playing wif my dear. we had so much fun. i keep on pressing her buttons. n she kept me busy all nite. by the time we finished, it would like 4am in the morning. she would b very hot and i would b very sleepy. but i can't seem to get enuff of her. i luv my XBOX!! hahaha! gotcha!! got a new game yesterday n i completed it within 48hrs. see how bored i was??! Def Jam: Fight For NY!! maaaan..the game rocks!! hip hop artists starring in that game. full of them!! it has busta rhymes, fat joe, method man, red man, the great snoop doggy dogg, sean paul, crazy legs from the rocksteady crew, carmen elektra, lil kim, shawnna, xzibit, warren g, ghostface killah, WC and the list goes on!! superb!! great game!! i looooike!! hahaha! nigga life rocks!!

as quote by Nyne in Def Jam: Fight For NY " You wanna hurt me bitch?!?! U better get strapped!!"

mas spotting!!

2004-09-21T01:50:00.000+08:00

hahaha! see my entry's title? hahaha! couldn't sleep lah..so i ended up doing a pic for someone. bloody hell..n it looked damn good!! sometimes the skills juz keep on coming..other times..i go stupid! n yes sis..i do urs soon!

2004-09-21T00:53:00.000+08:00

mas spotting!! chey..steady lah!!

blur arr..

2004-09-19T23:51:00.000+08:00

was reading mas' blog today. finally after 4 days i think. hahaha! been busy these past few days. working long hours. anywae...couldn't believe wat i read on her site. sorry to hear abt ur dad. i reali hope that he's getting better. juz b strong aite!

been working rather hard. loong loooooooooooooooong hours. i think i'm gonna spend quite alot next month cos hari raya is approaching! need to get my outfit tailored. going green this yeaaaar!! haha! my off day tmrw!! so i'm gonna go get a pair of new specs. aiming for Adidas or probably..Oakley. hahaha! ssssh!!

i miss my ite frens. haha! yeah..i miss those funny buggers. always joke ard. the things abt ite guys..they tend to go all out when being sarcastic. they dun hold back..unless its something sensitive or private. ah well..u ite buggers rock.

well mas..take care n b strong. mayb its easier said den done..but juz hold on. hope ur dad will be all smileys soon..enjoy!

ugly...

2004-09-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

opened up the bandaged on my finger today. shit..there was an ugly scar on my finger. damn ugly. the wound is not completely healed. can still see the flesh. haiz..hopefully its gonna get better tmrw..

talking to cassie rite now. something abt 'wat is a real chair'. a pretty dumb question anywaes. its like asking 'are u alive?'.

singapore idol sucks. a beyonce wannabe advanced to the next stage. n she can't sing. singapore judges are idiotic. am so bored. damn damn bored. gonna get a new game tmrw. xboooox!!

i've always wonder how black rap artists can get pretty black women to star in their videos. black women are sexaaay!! hahaha! black women as in nigga black arr!

hmmm...

2004-09-14T23:35:00.000+08:00

funny how things went today. was quite alrite actuali! didn't messed up any orders at work..everything was rather smooth. saw quite lotsa different ppl at work. i luuuuurve watching ppl. hahaha! ppl tend to forget their surroundings n suddenly are in their own world. i lurve to see the things ppl do..their reactions..their expressions all without them noticing my observation.

good customer service begins wif GOOD customers.

received a letter from the management office. was told not to close the stall b4 9.15pm. shitty notice. haha! abit stupid lah..its an hour's journey from my house to the place n they still wanna make me go home late. evil buggers. oh yah..haven't thank u auntie n kakak intan for helping me out wif my cut. though the both of them nearly fainted at the sight of my crimson spring, they still tried to help me! thank u sooo much yah!

someone left a comment yesterday n i dunno who. aiyah..use ur real name pls. it won't hurt to let me know unless u are my damn ex gf! she n me are eternal enemies. black n white. david n goliath. capulet and montagut. so 'anonymous' step forward lah..

she's there...

2004-09-12T23:57:00.000+08:00

on the computer. chatting wif my webcam. wif someone. she's smiling while i make funny faces. n her smile..oh so faboulous. she's there.

den she begins to talk on the phone. leaving me there. rendering me invisible. yet her smile remains unchanged. i left her wif her phone despite being hesitant. n she's still there.